The Story Beneath The Skin

In Her Own Words...

2007-11-07T19:21:00.000-08:00

"I have shot with Melvin twice so far. I look forward to many more. I imagine for each person it is different, but for me I tried to empty myself to allow Melvin to draw whatever his vision was out of the photos. I enjoyed allowing myself to be his canvas. Julie Coffey once asked me during a shoot with Melvin how I felt, I responded "appreciated." I feel that summed it up best. Melvin has a unique ability to make unobvious beauty appear obvious. He presents beauty in a different light, suggesting we look with our minds. And yes, working with him is as sensual and beautiful as the images suggest."

--Cole

Kiss My Ass Pittsburgh - I'm Escaping Again

2007-09-19T06:22:00.001-07:00

MELVIN MOTEN

Leave
Friday, October 26, 2007
Delta Air Lines 6367

Depart: 1:00pm
afternoon Pittsburgh, PA
Pittsburgh Int'l Apt. (PIT)

Arrive: 2:14pm
afternoon Cincinnati, OH
Cincinnati Cinci./Nrthrn Kentucky (CVG)

Economy | Embraer RJ135/ RJ140/ RJ145 (ERJ) | 1hr 14min | 256 miles

Seat: 7A |

Seat is confirmed.

Change planes. Time between flights: 1hr 1min
Delta Air Lines 1813
Depart: 3:15pm
afternoon Cincinnati, OH
Cincinnati Cinci./Nrthrn Kentucky (CVG)

Arrive: 5:20pm
evening Tampa, FL
Tampa International (TPA)

Economy | McDonnell Douglas MD-88 (M88) | 2hr 5min | 773 miles

Seat: 16E |

Seat is confirmed.

Total duration: 4hr 20min | Total miles: 1029 miles

Return

Monday, October 29, 2007
Delta Air Lines 927
Depart: 12:15pm
afternoon Tampa, FL
Tampa International (TPA)

Arrive: 2:28pm
afternoon Cincinnati, OH
Cincinnati Cinci./Nrthrn Kentucky (CVG)

Economy | McDonnell Douglas MD-88 (M88) | 2hr 13min | 773 miles

Seat: 15A |

Seat is confirmed.

Change planes. Time between flights: 0hr 57min
Delta Air Lines 6216

Depart: 3:25pm
afternoon Cincinnati, OH
Cincinnati Cinci./Nrthrn Kentucky (CVG)

Arrive: 4:36pm
afternoon Pittsburgh, PA
Pittsburgh Int'l Apt. (PIT)

Economy | Embraer RJ135/ RJ140/ RJ145 (ERJ) | 1hr 11min | 256 miles

Seat: 7A |

Seat is confirmed.

Total duration: 4hr 21min | Total miles: 1029 miles

FetCon '7 Diary - Day Three (Part Four) - Bathing Beauties.

2007-09-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

Just between you and me, one of the most fun things about weekends like this is how much my phone rings -- I never get calls at home (I wonder if someone is trying to tell me something). Just as I was getting things straightened out for the evening, Maya Sinstress called me about our impromptu shoot. She wondered if I'd like to shoot her and Bsharp outside by the hotel swimming pool. I was actually a little iffy about it, but figured why not? If there was ever a weekend dedicated to trying new things, this was it. I told Maya I'd meet her at the pool in a few minutes. I tossed a couple lights into my smaller rolling suitcase and hit the elevator. When I got to the pool however, I found the door locked -- the hotel management had declared the pool unsafe due to the scattered lightning that had been passing overhead for the last couple of hours. I was going to suggest we find another location, but Maya had her heart set on the pool. The three of use headed to the front desk where Maya turned on her peculiar charm. Sure enough, by the time we got back to the pool area, it was unlocked and we were in business. While Maya and Bsharp got changed, I tried to figure out a light setup. I couldn't seem to find an outlet close enough to the pool to do my normal lighting. It was almost dusk and there was no way I'd get anything good trying to shoot in the waning available light. Playing it cool as they emerged from the dressing area (resplendent in PVC bathing suits), I decided to go with my camera's flash and hope for the best. Surprisingly, the first frames were pretty good -- having almost a Terry Richardson feel to them. I didn't waste time or breath directing them, just allowing them to vogue and splash in the pool. The definitely had a feel in mind for the images and I was happy to let it happen as they desired...Probably something to do with that sub crush I was talking about before.

We hit a nice stride and got some great images in the smaller hot tub -- i was even able to get a light going for good measure -- with some very hot images the result. By this time we really had to run if we were going to make the closing party and Kumi and Midori's performance. Besides, I was clean out of memory anyhow. We all smiled, happy at having done cool stuff in a short stretch of time. I told them I'd bring release forms with me to the party and we all went off to get dressed.

When I got back to the room, I took a moment to feel pretty pleased with myself. There was nothing I hadn't managed to make work out the entire weekend.

NExT: Party Out of Bounds

FetCon '7 Diary - Day Three (part three) -Make Yourself At Home

2007-09-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

I showed Julie out and finally took my first deep breath in hours, at which point my phone rang, naturally. It was AmayaSolace, a model from my own tri-state area (of all places). She was running a little late, but would be there shortly. "No problem," I told her.

I suppose it seems odd that I would even need to shoot a model from Pittsburgh in Tampa -- that could just as easily work with them at home. Well the fact is, working in Pittsburgh is a lot more difficult than shooting on the road is, mainly because I don't have a shooting space in Pittsburgh. I work so little in my home town (not many fetish models, or models of any kind really) that maintaining any sort of shooting space is infeasible. Consequently it's easier to hit another city and work there. For some reason I find fewer logistical problems on the road...And I certainly don't mind having an excuse to travel.

Anyway, Amaya and I had been going back and forth about shooting for a few months before FetishCon. In all honesty, I didn't plan anything for her -- we hadn't really agreed on an idea; the few things I suggested t her didn't appeal to her, so I simply decided to let nature take its' course, so to speak. She arrived about 10 minutes after calling and I got right to work (not wanting to let the energy from the last two shoots go to waste). Knowing I had certain limits to work around, I went to a familiar idea that I hadn't used all weekend: Ace bandages asa fetish (and cover). Sliding her into the same tight corner I'd used with several of my subjects, I ran a more intense light and was rewarded with a near industrial look. Amaya has very pale skin and deep-set eyes which gave her an almost ghostly look in the lights. Her body is perfect for this sort of thing -- slender, but still feminine and erotic. The idea really came alive as her hands pushed and stretched the bandages.

I should mention that in addition to Amaya and her SO, the session was also attended by Doctor E, who had called asking if he could "sit in" on the shoot. I asked Amaya and she was fine with it, and I certainly had no problem with an audience. I haven't the faintest idea what he expected to learn, but I just did my usual thing, letting him make of it what he would. I even drafted him to help me with positioning the lights a few times....Always nice to have an assistant!

I did a quick series of images under the sink with the bandages idea, which worked well, but felt old to me by this time. I decided to try something totally different for my second idea. I asked her to put on the big knee-high PVC boots she'd brought with her and a pair of white boy-cut panties. Moving her to the bed, I let her move through shapes and poses without much direction from me -- something she clearly enjoyed and definitely excelled at. I got cool poses of the boots as well as some strong body and face shots.. This last idea went so smoothly and easily that I almost forgot I had another shoot -- I decided to stop there and save my last handful of digital frames for that. I called the shoot done and Amaya got dressed. I'm sure I read his expression wrong, but I got the impression that Doctor E was impressed by what he'd seen me doing. I was rather pleased at not having fallen over/off of/into/out of anything all day.

Well not so far anyhow.

NExT: Bathing Beauties

FetCon '7 Diary - Day Three (part two) - Lay, Lady Lay (Across My Big Brass Bed)

2007-09-14T05:44:00.000-07:00

Despite my meticulous anti-planning, a couple of my shoots had run into each other causing me to unconsciously rush them to conclusion (I hate to keep people waiting). Don't get me wrong -- I was delighted with all my sessions and thrilled with the results, but there's almost always something I wish I'd done after the fact. With Julie, it was all about her tattoo -- I got some decent enough shots of it Saturday evening, but ever since that shoot concluded, I'd had a vision in my head of her tattoo (and the golden skin that bore it) surrounded by the clean white of the bed sheets. It was a totally different approach to shooting a tattoo than I would usually take. I also figured that it would be fun to revisit the "phone sex" concept that I'd done with Susi on the first night, only with an added twist: Among the "props" I'd brought with me were two boxes of Trojan condoms, one blue and one gold. I've used this idea several times before, almost always with interesting results. This seemed like a good time to mix new ideas with old, hopefully creating something completely different (or at least typically screwy).

I started with just the mobile phone and knew I had something right away. Where my set with Susi had a raw, sexual, even dirty feel, Julie gave the idea a glamorous, almost pinup look, which isn't my usual direction at all -- but I decided to run with it just this once. I moved her through several poses on the bed, letting her project a little more in some frames, less in others. She has such a great instinct for accessing the emotion of a pose that I really didn't have to do anything special. Occasionally I'd stop her in mid-move and work through the pose, chasing angles and shadows as I went. I made sure to get good poses for the tattoo, some flat on her belly, some resting on her side. Julie rose to the occasion, never showing her fatigue for a second. If I were a vain person, I'd suggest that my creativity had re-energized her (which I guess I just did, didn't I).

Happy with the set so far, I reached into my case and brought out the blue Trojans, liking the brighter color for the scene. I imagine it looked bizarre to see me ripping the foil squares open, tossing the unused condoms in the trash and arranging the torn and bent wrappers on the pillow by Julie's head. I probably should have asked if she was cool with the idea, but she loved it anyway. When a shoot is going really well, there is always one moment where everything comes together for a "perfect" image. With Julie it happened when I asked her to roll onto her belly and press ehr face into the pillow. When I let her come back up, there it was -- a near perfect lipstick print on the white pillowcase.

"Holy Shit!" I said, breathing in sharply. "are you okay in that pose?" Julie smiled and the sight of the lip print and nodded yes. "Good," I said through clenched teeth, pushing the Trojan wrappers closer to the lipstick as well as Julie's hand. Working quickly and surely I got a series of frames, some close up, some 3/4 length, some with just the print, condoms and Julie's hand in the frame. I asked her to press the side of her face into the pillow and she glowed in gold and cinnamon against the white pillow.

"Oh you beautiful galaxy," I murmured as I did frame after frame.

I knew I had "it," so I let myself "play" a bit, climbing onto the bet for a set of frames standing over her, jumping to the other side of the bed for a different view of her tattoo. A couple of wild shots with the Trojans, phone and a $50 bill (just to make it dirty), playing the sheets up and down along her nude torso. I was pretty sure nothing would surpass the image of the lipstick print, but why stop when it was so much fun?

Finally, reason and time constraints made me call the shoot "done" -- I still had two more shoots after all. As Julie rose and dressed, I made a mental note to sneak the pillowcase into my luggage before checking out in the morning. As I turned to thank her, Julie corralled me in a sweet embrace, all soft skin firm arms and a scent that stayed with me for days afterward.

NExT: Make Yourself At Home

FetCon '7 Diary - Day Three (part one) - Live in Dreams, Sunday Girl

2007-09-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning was business as usual: Laying about in bed channel surfing while Susi ordered lunch for breakfast from the room service menu. The convention was to close at 3pm, so i dragged myself out of bed and headed down to the floor for one last look. I cruised around deliberately, hoping to find something cool on sale. I almost splurged on a glass dildo, but couldn't think of enough (photographic) ways to use it. I found Raelyn Mouse traipsing around in yet another sexy getup, brandishing a decorative pocket knife she'd just bought. Vhex was haunting one fo the corset booths, agonizing whether or not to buy a particularly striking piece (she finally did). If I'd been thinking clearly, I would have grabbed her and dragged her upstairs to shoot. I regard my not doing so as the one great mistake of the weekend...One I may even travel back to Tampa this fall to correct.

My homing instinct drew me back to the table where L.C, Scott Church and CyndieMyst were stationed. True to my luck, when I got there I found Maya Sinstress and Bsharp from Chicago. I'd been lucky enough to work with Maya twice before and I'd seen lots of Bsharp's work with other photographers. Maya is a pro domme in Chicago and I have to confess to a bit of a sub's crush on her. Her look is a crazy cross between Betty Page and Veronica Lodge with just a splash of Martine Beswick (which explains most of my crush on her). For some reason she seems fond of me too, always willing to work with me no matter when or where. I greeted her and she seemed genuinely glad to see me. She Introduced me to Bsharp and I suggested we shoot later on.

"Absolutely," Maya said with her dark and sexy smile. Bsharp nodded, almost shyly. We agreed on a 7pm shoot which would give me time to finish my other two sessions and still get downstairs in time for the closing party where Kumi and Midori would be performing.

By now the convention was winding down, with vendors packing up their wares and people doing the standard rushing back and forth. I had been mulling over purchasing some red hemp from rainbowrope and finally did get a 10 foot bight (not nearly enough in retrospect). Suddenly I started to wonder if I had enough digital memory to get through all the work I had in front of me. I had run out of film last night, so I ventured out to the pharmacy near the hotel...only to find it closed on Sunday afternoon. I was going to have to make do with what I already had.

"Oh well," I told myself. "It's a character builder."

I was sweating from the walk, but the room was cool as ice. I tidied up a bit and checked through my data cards. If I was careful I'd be fine with what I had. Cole, and Julie Coffey were at the door a few moments later. I had another shoot at 6pm, but hadn't heard from her. I assumed she'd call when she was ready and so I relaxed into my session.

What struck me most was how totally at ease Cole and Julie were with me already, Julie casually undressing and sitting nude on my bed, even though Cole had elected to pose first. To me, there's nothing more flattering (or important) than knowing my subjects trust me and Julie and Cole seemed to do so fully and without reservation. It made me want to work even harder to give them great images. I probably should have come up with a definite plan for Cole earlier in the day, but I simply let my instincts be the guide for our set. I posed her in the tight corner by the mirror just as Raelyn Mouse the day before, but the feel was totally different, Cole's womanly, ample physique soaking up my light and growing into a glorious amazon figure. I shot sparely, efficiently, making sure I had the best possible pose and exposure before changing her position or my lights. Cole has beautiful, rippling stretch marks on her belly and I flew to them immediately, painting shadows across them with my smaller light. She knew what I was doing and didn't flinch, trusting my eyes and my ideas and my words from the night before. Every few frames, Julie would voice her approval, but after awhile she stopped. During a changeover I turned and saw why -- she'd wrapped herself in the bed sheets and dozed off just like that. Cole tole me about a rather bizarre misadventure Julie had the night before that make her weariness totally understandable. I opted not to disturb her until it was her turn...and besides, she was already where I wanted her to be anyway. I finished with the corner and had Cole come over to the bathroom door. Reaching for the red hemp I'd bought, I did a simple breast tie and had her move under the sink. Moving into the bathroom myself and partially closing the door, I got some brilliant noir-ish shadows and also brought her stretch marks into high relief. I'd asked her to wet her hair when we began and it was also catching the light perfectly, giving more textures to the scene. Julie had roused herself and came to the door and let us know we were on too something good as I came in and out of the bathroom, shooting high and low, working quickly and fluidly. I'd totally honed my technique to a fine edge by this point -- there was almost none of the clumsiness or hesitation I'd started the weekend with. Cole's expressions told me how much she was into our work -- she wore a slightly blissed, glassy-eyed half-smile that spoke volumes. I let her keep wearing it.

I had plenty of ideas left after the bathroom, but Cole's phone rang, signaling he end of our set. She had some family obligations to take care of and had to leave. Not wanting to lose my head of steam (or waste too much time), I moved Julie back to the bed and started setting up lights as Cole dressed to go. When she was ready to leave, I showed her some of the digital captures we'd done and she was smiling just as widely as the night before. I promised her that we'd work together again the next time I visited Florida. She hugged me tightly and promised the same. As she closed the door behind her, I turned to the bed and the beautiful tattooed pixie lounging in my sheets.

We were both smiling.

NExT: Lay Lady Lay (across my big brass bed)

FetCon '7 Diary - Day Two (part nine) - Twistin' By The Pool

2007-09-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

It had been quite a night, full of camaraderie, creativity, eros and adventure. I didn't even need to look at my digital captures to know I had a lot of good stuff and more than a few truly great images. More than anything else, I was struck by how easy it had been. I had done just what I set out to do; let the opportunities to create come to me, to stay relaxed and enjoy every moment. I felt sky high and yet totally grounded at the same time...an amazing feeling. I wasn't sure what time it was, but it was late. One by one people were bowing out of the party, heading to their rooms or wherever their next destination happened to bee. Susi was long gone, having no doubt worked her tail off shooting (as well as having had a few drinks along the way). Lochai had untied Lisa and I thanked her for giving the shooting day such a perfect ending. Pretty soon it was just James and I...and I was hungry.

"Didn't you say something about a pizza up in your room?" I asked him.

"I sure did," James said. "Let's head up there." He seemed to be as tireless as I was. In no time I found myself in his (very large) suite, relishing cold pizza and looking over the images he'd done during the weekend. -- it made me envious for a laptop of my own. As I finished my pizza, James looked out his window which overlooked the outdoor pool + hot tub. "There must be a hundred people down there," he said with a bit of surprise. I joined him at the window and had to agree.

"I wonder who's down there," James said. "Looks like everybody but us," I said with a shrug.

"Wanna go down and see?" he asked. "Sure," I replied, up for anything. "why not?"

Our eyes hadn't deceived us -- the pool was packed (as was the hot tub). James was showing some people he knew the images on his laptop when I thought i heard my name called.

"Melvin!" the happy sounding voice cried again. I stared into the pool, trying to figure out who was calling me..in the dark, with only the pool lights and reflections of the water it was difficult to tell one set of wet limbs from another. Two figures swam towards me as I squinted. What I thought at first was Kumi's bald head turned out to be the swimming cap of Julie Coffey. "Why hello!" I said, genuinely glad to see her. "I can barely ell you swimmers apart with my bad eyes." I knelt by the pool side to take her hand when I saw the blonde woman beside her.

"This is Kelly -- she's been hoping to me you all weekend!" Julie exclaimed. As I took the blond woman's hand I finally recognized her from ModelMayhem as Cole, a model who seemed to be one of Doctor E's muses. I'd liked her images for a long time, but never considered approaching her as she had always seemed exclusive to Doctor E and a few other photographers. I told her it was a pleasure to meet her and a smile spread across her face as she squeezed my hand gently. My pulse jumped just a little.

"I've loved your work for ages," she said, near breathless. "I've always wanted to work with you. Julie told me you're fantastic to shoot with." I swallowed hard, wishing I'd brought that bottle of water from James' room with me. "Well," I said slowly, "Julie was a thrill to shoot with. Anything good we got today is because of how beautiful and patient she was."

"Don't listen to him," Julie told her. "He's great!"

"Thank you," I said. "That really does mean a lot, believe me."

"I wish there was time for us to shoot tomorrow," Cole said, finally letting go of my hand. "Doctor E and I talk about your work all the time," she continued. "We both love how real your work is. I love the way you describe it in your profile. I knew when I read your words about seeking people with scars that I wanted to be part of your work. I want to be real and I want you to show my scars."

This was a lot to take, especially after all that had transpired beforehand. "Well," I said softly. "I love to show scars in my work because we all have them. I have them myself." I pulled the collar of my shirt to expose the raised keloidal scars on my chest. "I used to think they were horrible, but now i realize that they're the most sensitive and erotic spot on my skin. They're like a portal to my sexualness, if you will." Both Cole and Julie looked at me wide-eyed as I went on. "I seek out other scarred people so I can show them, show the world how beautiful their scars are. How beautiful they are. Scars are the medals awarded us for having survived whatever happened to us...both physically and emotionally.

Cole swam up too the edge of the pool where i knelt and reached for my hand again. Her voice was low but impassioned. "Your work is real...and so are you. I want to be real in your work. Real is what matters." I smiled and squeezed her hand back. "If you have time tomorrow, I'll make the time to work with you. I have a shoot at 6pm but before and after that I'm wide open."

"I'll come anytime," Cole said. Julie swam up behind her and hugged her. "I'll come with you," she said brightly. Cole nodded at her, grinning.

"Can I shoot you again tomorrow?" I asked Julie, feeling drunk with luck. "I have an idea for you that came to me after we shot today."

"Of course!" she exclaimed. "I loved our shoot today! I want to do more with you!" My head was spinning a little. I put it down to the lateness of the hour. "Is 4pm good for you both?" Julie looked at Cole and they both nodded. "We'll be there." Cole said. "I'll bet Doctor E would lover to come watch." I shrugged. "He's welcome to do so if he wants," I said "I can't imagine it's all that interesting and I certainly have nothing to teach him, but he's certainly welcome."

"Yay Melvin!" Julie cried in her pink champagne voice. I stood up finally, taking the pressure off my stiffening knees. "I'd better get some sleep if I'm going to shoot two such important models tomorrow." The three of us bid each other goodbye and I headed back to the elevators. I was in a daze, loving my fortune as it loved me back. I was in my room, undressed and in bed before I realized I was still grinning from ear to ear.

NExT: Live in Dreams, Sunday Girl

FetCon '7 Diary Day Two (part eight) - In Her Own Words

2007-09-10T19:07:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I ask one of my subjects to write down what the experience of making images with me was like for them. A week or so ago, I got this in an email...It says more than I ever could:

"He's desperate to photograph you, you know. He's just too shy to
ask." I didn't really believe her – after all, I'm not a fetish
model, or a regular one for that matter. I'm curvy and short, and –
well, dressed. We're at fetish con, and believe me, being dressed was
actually the novelty. Perhaps that alone explains Melvin's initial
fascination.

Anyway, he did eventually ask me himself, and oddly I didn't think
twice about saying yes. Part of that was because just after I was
told he was interested, a bevy of lovely models, all of whom I'd met
at dinner and were warm, wonderful people with responsible day jobs
(everything from catholic school teachers to family business owners),
these "professional" girls who were experienced and paid and sought
after for their modeling time, were telling me it was not only an
honor to have been asked, but that Melvin was one of the most
respected and trusted photographers in their business. Put simply,
the girls love him. And looking at their faces, I knew what they were
telling me was earnest.

Another part of it was, I had been in the suite all night, surrounded
by naked women, flashing photographers, and bondage professionals, and
not a single person was disrespectful, or smarmy, or suggestive, or
even questionable. Certainly there was joking (and spanking), but all
in all it was a place of trust, and the people there understood each
other, and responded to each other not so much from a place of
sexuality, but more sensuality. Awareness of being. And that felt so
honest and unique, that I wanted to take part. I hope you can get my
sense of those things in these photos.

I'd personally always secretly aspired to be a Vargas girl, so when
Melvin invited me, I jumped at the chance. Melvin (and Lochai, who
tied the beautiful knots – such gorgeous work) would bring out the
best in me, simply by being good at what they do and caring enough to
have pride in their part of the composition. How could a girl turn
down such a compliment?

What's more, I agreed to be nude. Simply because I trusted Melvin to
take care to help me look my best for the camera. I can't explain it,
but his person, his essence, whatever you call it, just seemed real to
me. He cared and loved the work, even as he accurately deconstructed
for me his philosophy on "this business of porn."

Melvin you may call it porn, but look twice. Because what you've
actually created is lovely and honest and real. It's art in the guise
of sex.

Thank you for the invitation.

FetCon '7 Diary - Day Two (part seven) - The New Girl

2007-09-09T06:15:00.000-07:00

When I first saw Lisa, she was being bound and spanked by Eric Cain. I was drawn to the fact that she seemed so "straight" but at the same time so open to the experience of being kinky. I never did find out the details of ow she came to be at FetCon or even in he room, but at the time i didn't even think of that...I was only thinking of how I could get her to pose for me.

"I'm Melvin Moten and I'd love to shoot with you, if you're interested," I said, walking up to her and handing her my card. I really didn't expect her to entertain the idea, but she actually seemed to think it over. As I reached into my bag to get my books out, JJ Plush, CyndieMyst and Leda struck up a Greek Chorus about me, my work, how great I was to shoot with -- the works. Lisa smiled a bit shyly and asked the usual first question:

"But I don't have any fetish clothes....What do I wear?"

"Nothing," I said. "Rope if you like."

She blushed a little (okay, a lot), but at least she was thinking about it. I promised her that I would "take care" of her and that all people would see was how beautiful she was. JJ echoed my words emphatically.

"Okay," she said, still smiling. "When?"

I shrugged. "Lochai is rigging Leda in a minute and then I'm shooting her," I explained. "After that he can do rope on you...Are you cool with that?"

"I'm excited," she said softly but firmly.

"Good. Me too," I said. "You'll be beautiful...I promise."

She and JJ were still looking through my books as I excused myself and went back to the other room. Leda was finally ready.

You'd think I'd get over being Awestruck by Lochai's rope work by now, wouldn't you? Well forget all that, because his full body shibari on Leda was breathtaking. He took a basic breast ti that I could do (not nearly as well) into a series of criss -crossing double cords descending the length of her torso. He pinned her arms back using cords from the original breast tie finishing with a dense but organized network of doubled and tripled cords and knots that looked like they felt wonderful against her skin (I never got to ask her). He finished the tie with a series of horizontal bands running the length of both Leda's legs, thigh to ankle. Somehow he managed to link this whole masterpiece to a pair of wrist ties that were anchored to the sides of the Murphy bed, which left Leda able to stay on her feet but still gave her the ability to move and turn within the tie. I was glorious. It took me a minute to et over the absolute beauty of both Lochai's work and Leda herself.

As I moved my lights over to the scene, I was struck by how much Leda seemed to relish the ropes binding her, as well as the room watching her. As she turned and bent and flexed within the ties, the expressions moving across her face ranged from peace to pleasure to excitement and back, then forth again. Leda isn't big, but she is curvy and ample, with clear pale skin that glows under my lights. I asked her for a few poses, but mostly I just moved as she moved, sometimes shooting down from above, sometimes shooting up from below. I did a lot with my Canonet in horizontal frame, which is common for me. There was a lot less of the "Blow Up" thing this time -- I didn't want to risk missing anything in the course of Leda's effort and experiences/ The only hard part of the scene was staying collected -- the intensity of Leda's persona, the beauty of Lochai's rope, the vibe of the room, the whole weekend had my pulse racing. Everything in the room seemed to drop away -- all the other models, the other photographers, the music playing, people casually walking through -- it all went away, leaving Leda and I all alone on an empty stage...That's the way it seemed until I felt a hand on my shoulder that lifted me out of the fantasy.

"Can I get some shots of her?" Lochai asked me cordially. I was still too caught up in the passion and creative ardor of the moment to be too embarrassed. I bid Lochai forward with a nod and sat down to gather my wits and check how many frames were left on my digital card. The sharp sound of a spank followed by laughter from the other room reminded me I still had things to do. I found a safe spot for my gear and headed for the other room.

"Don't untie her before I get back," I implored as I passed Lochai.

I walked into the room to find the same group of folks, Lisa among them. She was talking to a taller woman whom I'd briefly met the night before. Apparently the friend had been a fashion model of some sort and had appointed herself Lisa's advisor/protector in dealing with me. I was afraid that I'd have to go through some pittsburgh-esque negotiation, or even walk away from shooting Lisa (which I was prepared to do), but Lisa proved to be quite certain about her decision to work with me as well as being nude in the images. Her friend made a last attempt at controlling the shoot:

"Well, I'll make sure you pose her tastefully," she said, almost scolding me. I ground my teeth. "I think he knows how to pose a model," Lisa said sternly as she gave me a look. I stifled a chuckle -- it always amuses me when the local know-it-all gets shown up.

"Okay," I said curtly. "I have to finish up with Leda and then we'll work...cool?" Lisa nodded. Taking a deep breath, I headed back across the way into the shooting space. Lochai, James and Stu had finally set up strobe lights and looked to be getting great stuff of Leda, who was still enjoying herself immensely. I let them finish and I checked my gear. Lochai released Leda from the wrist ties and I lay her flat in the same corner I'd shot in before. I wanted to come in tighter for this set, mostly from the waist up and get a more intimate feel as well as a high relief look of the ropes from my lights. The warmth of my lights seemed to set the red in Leda's hair on fire, glowing as much as her skin. I felt myself get drawn into the dark, warm, private place again, though the room was still full of people and music. Something about Leda makes it easy to find that dark, secret place where skin and passion create art. At the same time I knew I had to leave the dark. Someone was waiting patiently for me back in the real world.

NExT: Her side of the story....

FetCon '7 Diary Day Two (part six) - Leda and the hands of Steel

2007-09-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

I don't think I'd seen Leda Locke more than twice at this point (and only for a second each time). Our respective schedules and routes through FetCon seemed to take us in wildly different directions involving totally different casts of characters (although there was some crossover in the two sets of friends). We were definitely hoping to work together, but until her call, it seemed less and less likely. We couldn't even seem to find time for me to get a massage from her -- and I really wanted that. By this point, with only one day left( and a few shoots already scheduled) I had pretty much given up on the idea of either happening. Fortunately I was wrong.

"Hello?"

"You need to come here and shoot with me, Right now, " Leda said bluntly. "Are you busy?"

"Well," I said cautiously, "I was just about to head out to the Castle for the party there."

"Well, you should come up and shoot with me. Lochai is up here. And Eric Cain. And Stu Beans. Everyone is up here."

"So it seems," I admitted. "Do you think Lochai or Eric would rig you for me?" I asked.

"Of course," she said, probably wondering why I was being so dense. "You should come up."

"Well, I guess I'm coming up then," I said.

I ran back to Larry Bradby's room and let him know that he and his party would have to go to the Castle without me. Then it was back to my room for a couple of cameras and then up to the 16th floor. It was the same suite I'd visited the night before, only wilder. On one side of the suite,
Eric,
JJ Plush,
CyndieMyst and a couple of people I hadn't met were playing at tying and spanking (I took a second to get in a few spanks of my own). One of the new faces was a pretty, rather curvy young woman who seemed to really be enjoying the atmosphere, despite her rather "normal" dress and appearance. She seemed to especially enjoy being bound and spanked. I wondered for a moment if she could be talked into shooting before I headed into the other room to find Leda.

Across the way, things were just as interesting. Leda welcomed me with a hug and an impromptu shoulder massage while I was also greeted by Lochai, Stu Beans and
James. Sienna Alldridge,
Renee Blaine and Anna Vaughn were also present along with my Susi, and Stu's makeup artist LJ, who was getting primped up for the club party.

Let me say that while I consider myself quite open-minded (not to mention kinky), the sight of a man with a fullback's build dressed in latex and hair falls airbrushing his makeup for a night out is still quite something. I never got a chance to hang out or converse with him (her?), but he (she?) certainly cut a figure that sticks in my mind...In a good way, I might add.

It didn't look like anyone had started working on anything, so I flopped in a chair and Stu handed me a drink on cue. Sienna was sitting beside me, so I introduced myself and handed over my stack of coVet books, slyly mentioning that i'd be happy to make time to shoot with her if she was interested. By this time, Susi was sitting with us and chiming in as well, talking me up to the tall redhead. I sat back and smiled, totally loving this laid back, enjoyable moment: No rush, no stress...just good friends (new and old) and great vibes.

After awhile, James announced he was ready to start working. He had some ideas for Renee and Anna that he needed Lochai and Eric's rigging talents for. This was fine by me, as I had hoped to get one or both of these guys to right for me before the weekend was out.

Lochai rigged Renee first. Granted, it doesn't take much to make me wish I were female, but watching Renee twist and turn under Lochai's steady hand and naturalistic rope work made me desperately envious...What I wouldn't have given just to be her for those few minutes. When Lochai finished, he eased Renee over to the sofa on the far end of the room..Nobody had proper lights set up (James was using on-camera flash as I recall), I decided to use my Canonet with the available room light (I have a reputation for doing more with less, so why not live up to it?). After a few shots, I knew hat the room light wasn't enough -- especially not enough to do justice to such amazing rope work. Stu stopped me on my way out the door. "You're not leaving are you?"

"On the contrary," I replied. "I'm digging in. I'm just going down to the room to get my stuff. If Leda wants to shoot with me, she should shoot with me." Leda happened to pass through the doorway just as I said this. "Do you need help carrying anything?"

"Nah," I said with a smile. "Keep the ropes warm, I'll be back in a flash."

By the time I returned, Renee had been untied and Lochai was doing a tie on Susi while Eric was rigging Renee and Anna together, per James' instructions. I shuddered to think that James had actually considered me to do his rope work for him, despite my obvious ineptitude in this area. Fortunately I'm too self-aware to let anyone make a mistake like that. Besides, I knew that there would be about a hundred great riggers at the con for him to choose from. Just then Leda came up behind me and sank her well trained, powerful, yet feminine fingers into my chronically sore shoulders. "Don't stop. Ever," I sighed as my head lolled to one side, letting the big medicine of her grip ease my tight muscles. I could fairly see her head shaking with exasperation at my condition.

"Didn't I already work on this shoulder twice?" she scolded, digging her thumb into the fabric of my shirt.

"I told you I have the worst back ever. Did you think I made it up?" She sighed and dug her fingers into my back one last time before letting go. "We need to make an appointment -- I can't do this right standing up in a roomful of people."

"Fine by me," I said, flexing my neck and shoulders. "You tell me when you have time and I'll make time."

Eric was done with his rope work and James had started shooting Renee and Anna while they stood belly to belly. Even though I'd seen Eric doing a lot of this tie, I couldn't begin to find where it began or ended...All I could do was admire how talented Eric was. Renee and Anna were a slightly odd pairing, but I started to get a good vibe from them as I set up my lights. When James had his shots, I moved them from the center of the room to the corner right beside the murphy bed. I don't know where it came from or when it started, but I've had a love for tight corners that goes back as far as i can see in my work. When I switched my two hot lights on, both James and Stu looked impressed. I worked fast, using all the leeway that Eric's tie gave the pair to move them. There was this small stool in the corner, so i had Anna and Renee take turns standing on it, first one then the other. Each time they switched I'd ask one of them to either lean into or out of the ropes as much as they could. I got low on the floor and shot upwards a lot -- partly to get a cool angle but also (I admit) just to show off and play "Blow Up" for a moment. Come on now -- how often do I get to be the center of attention?

My laid back approach to the weekend seemed to bring with it a sense of efficiency, an awareness of when a shoot was "done." I still can't say when I'm in the act of shooting just which shot is "the one," but I do know when I have it. At this point, it's up to me whether I'm going to keep shooting, and hope a new window will open or if I'm going to stop there. This time I decided to stop -- There was still a long line of people to work with and I didn't want to miss a chance with anyone. As I thanked Renee and Anna (after Eric untied them) and got my releases signed, I turned around to see Lochai leading a freshly corseted and bound Susi into my staging area. I love the way Susi combines the quirky with the classic. For this shot, she wore a pink corset with oriental accents along with a black hairpiece teased into a beehive complete with chopstick hairpins. It was a wild and kinky look made even more so with a simple arm tie by Lochai. He looked on with pride as I moved Susi under the lights and went to work. Apart from his brilliance as a photographer and mastery as a rigger, what I love and admire most about Lochai is how utterly generous he is...to everyone. This was the second year in a row he lent his considerable talent to the service of my little art. The fact is that if he were a selfish guy, Lochai could fix it so that nobody could do anything in the Fla area but him -- it's something i've seen less open artists do more than once. Lochai is the total opposite...It's almost as if welcoming us into his world makes it a better place...I know it makes my world a better place to be able to visit his so freely.

Susi was clearly in her stride by now, having worked with a ton of people up to this poing. Even bound she was totally in control of her body and her poses, knowing exactly where to go with each move. I don't mind admitting how erotic and fun I find her as a subject, either. I could have shot with her for hours, but i wanted to give everyone else a fair chance too, especially Lochai. -- after all, he was the one who made it all happen.

While the other photographers were doing their thing, I took a break, mostly to locate the drink that Stu Beans had made for me (I never did find it). At this point I found myself chatted up by Anna's SO, a nice enough fellow, but one who seemed to have had a few. He was cradling the stack of coVet books I'd given to Sienna a while earlier.

"Your pictures," he said haltingly. "They're like poetry." I just shrugged.

"Well I don't know about that," I told him. "I just do what I do. It's pretty simple."

"No," he protested with a bit of a slur. "I write poetry and your pictures are poetry." I shrugged again and gave my best sheepish smile.

"Well okay then," I said amiably. "If that's the meaning you get from looking at my work, I'm cool with it."

"So," he went on. "How can I find out more about you and your pictures?" I handed him one of my cards.

"Everything interesting about me is on the website and in the blogs. It's all there."

"Good," he said as I looked over his shoulder into the other room. "because I'm a poet and your pictures are poetry too."

I suppose I should have been a bit more indulgent, but I confess my interest lay in the other room, with a certain person I'd met when I first came in. I excused myself and walked into the second room.

NExT: The New Girl

FetCon '7 Diary Day Two (part five) - Kumimonster!

2007-09-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

In a word:
Kumi.

I hardly think I need to explain Kumi to anyone reading this....Anybody who even casually follows the fetish world knows that she's the rockstar among the rockstars. What you might not know is how much fun she is to be around. The way she matches up a layered and complex intellect with her happy-go-lucky chatterbox persona is amazing, and makes her a riot to talk/listen to. I got to work with her last year and got a ton of great images...This year I wanted to do something a bit more focused, but still as evocative and atmospheric (and erotic). I wasn't about to waste a perfectly good hour with Kumi by trying one of my ham-fisted rope works, so I had her select one of her latex masks (a pet fetish of hers from what I know) and a matching corse, gloves and white ballet boots (a pet fetish of mine). The rest, as they say, was simple. After she took a moment to plug her own iPod into the night table deck [playing a lovely Ryuichi Sakamoto piece], I went with my instincts and put her under the bahtroom sink. I don't think I've worked with a subject who knew her body as well as Kumi. She really has an amazing sense of how to move, when to hold a pose, when to transition and run the gamut of shapes and angles. She also has solid instincts of photographic composition and even light. In short, once I picked a spot, she did the work. All I had to do was be ready for everything she gave me.

The session managed to split itself into three neat sections: The first 20 minutes were under the sink, while a second 20 minutes was spent in the doorway (where she did amazing and imaginative poses) and the last part of the shoot was at the full-length mirror in the front of the room. Using the mirror is not something I would have suggested, but I'm glad I went with her idea, because some of the best images of the hour happened there. Kumi took an idea that every 16-year-old has on their MySpace page and made it something original, compelling and darkly evocative. And all I had to do was keep looking, keep clicking away.

We had just finished when another knock at the door came. It was Larry Bradby, who's room was down the hall, inviting me to meet some of his crowd. However the second her laid eyes on Kumi he had to shoot her too. Even though she was expected at the club event shortly, she graciously agreed to let him get a few shots of her in his room before she changed and caught the hotel shuttle to the Castle. I told Larry I'd be down to his room as soon as I got my stuff back in order and he headed back down the hall, followed close behind by Kumi.

Once the room was empty I took a deep breath and gave a token effort to organize my gear and mulling over what to do next. I figured I'd head out to the club (where my friend and muse Vhex would be performing), but the unexpected was about to pay me another visit.

I had been in Larry's room for quite a while, shooting the breeze with his roomates and he. Eventually they started making plans to go to the club event and asked me along. No sooner did i reach my room to change clothes than my phone rang.

NExt: Leda Locke and the hands of stone.

FetCon '7 Diary Day Two (part four) - SeaJewels

2007-08-31T05:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I was late or if she was, but for some reason i had to run downstairs (or was it upstairs?) for something or other. I made a hasty note telling Julie to call my cell if she got there before I did...I'm sure it says something about my state of mind that I would simply assume anyone would wait at my door for me to show up whenever I felt like it, but there you go.

I still can't say where I was or what I was doing, but I remember getting her call -- she was at my room and ready to start. I managed to grab a quick elevator and hustled up to my door to find Julie Coffey, still lovely, patiently waiting with the fellow I saw her with on Friday night. I quickly got us into the room and got my gear up as she set down the few things she'd brought with her and touched up her face in the bathroom mirror (she didn't need to). I don't know why I do my best work in small spaces, especially bathrooms, but this weekend was no exception. I think I shot almost everyone I worked with in or around the bathroom -- most notably the long space under the sink counter. The angles it forced me to take and the lighting limits the space forced only served to make the images stronger. The contrast of the glowing, charming Julie Coffey in her dainty white and pink under-things was too good to resist. I think she sense the creative energy too, because my request for her to slide under the sink was met with cheerful enthusiasm.

I shot several poses under the skink, making sure I covered my digital and both film cameras (I was running my Cannonet 28 and my Olympus XA for this shoot). I wanted to get a clear shot of her extraordinary tattoo, but wasn't sure how to broach the subject of her being topless. Our decision to shoot was so impromptu that we didn't get a chance to discuss her limits. Usually I assume that anyone who wants to work with me knows I expect a wide latitude as far as nudity goes. This doesn't mean I don't respect the limits or feelings of my subjects though, and I don't mind saying that this particular subject was someone special and I didn't want too screw things up with a stupid misunderstanding, especially after someone I admire as much as Doctor E had endorsed me to them so fully. Figuring that the best approach was a direct one, I simply asked her if she'd be comfortable posing without her top. In the time it took her to smile and say "of course!" the lacy white piece was off and on the floor with the rest of her accessories. I asked her back under the sink with her back to me and the shot I had hoped for was mine.

I can only assume that the people I work with enjoy the process. I try to always make it clear that the photo shoot is an exciting experience for me and that I appreciate the models' contribution and patience immensely. This shoot was no different, but what was different was how vocal both Julie and her SO were about the positive vibe they were getting -- from me, from the poses I was asking for , from the style I conduct my shoots with (enthusiastic and excited, yet still in charge of the creative process). Julie was most impressed with the decisiveness that I showed in posing her -- giving her a solid idea and then tweaking and adjusting that pose until I saw what I wanted, while still leaving room for the unexpected to happen and being willing to run to that daylight. Julie mentioned that a lot of photographers just stand in front of the model and wait for her to decide what to pose, which was confusing and frustrating for her. She loved the fact that I knew what I wanted, knew how to ask for it and let her know when it was just so. "I know that every shot is going to be great because you totally know what you want and you're not afraid to ask for it," she said. Her SO echoed these sentiments. I would have loved to say I'm a genius of planning and vision, but we all know that's not true so I didn't even bother uttering such nonsense. Suffice to say I'm still not sure who enjoyed the process more -- me, Julie...or even her SO, who seemed quite fascinated by my ideas and my methods.

I can say that my enthusiasm fed hers, which fed mine in turn. I could feel the energy building, not in a crazed, uncontrolled way, but a slow rising emotional and mental heat that drove our creativity without overwhelming it. I can only imagine what the shoot might have been able to actually discuss and prepare for it...As is, it was pretty close to perfect.

By this time I had moved her from the sink to the bathroom doorway. Her body was petite, but totally flexible and she gave me stunning variations on what would have been ordinary cheesecake/pinup poses for another model. Her warm buttered smile never came off as mugging or teasing and when her expression became more serious, her eyes cast a siren's call. I mad sure to work with her back to get just the right take on her amazing tattoo...Not that I could ever do it justice -- I would need an 8 x 10 view camera and a compliment of studio lights for that.

I know it sounds cliched, but if felt like about 15 minutes had passed since we started, but the knock on the door told the truth: We'd been working steadily for the better part of 2 hours. I didn't want to stop, but I also didn't want to keep my 8pm subject waiting. Even I like to look professional and organized every now and then.

I helped Julie up and she hugged me -- tight -- without bothering to get dressed first. The soft heat of her embrace combined with the scent she was wearing mad my knees weaken, but I'm pretty sure I covered it well. As Julie slipped back into her bra and sundress, I opened the door and greeted my 8pm model.

NExT: Kumimonster!

FetCon '7 Diary Day Two (part three) - Audience with the FetishDiva

2007-08-30T06:48:00.001-07:00

To be honest, i was back on the convention floor for one specific reason. Moving quickly past the noise, hoopla and kinky acting out, I cane to her table. She was in the middle of a phone call, but bid me to wait with a gesture and a smile.

As if I would walk away from the great Midori.

It's funny now that i think about it, but if you'd placed her in the midst of all the fetish "fashion" models, porn starlet wanna-bes, weekend rope warriors and goth/emo/metal kids, and then asked a martian to pick out the kinky one, Midori would have been the last choice. Fortunately I (and a lot of other people) know better. I know that behind the bespectacled, almost soccer-mom features lurked a mind as dark, kinky, dirty and brilliant as I could ever hope to meet and learn from.

You know, I could write a lot of nonsense about how cool and collected I was when I met Midori, but you'd see through it anyway. I may as well confess: I was a total fanboy at her feet, stuttering, repeating myself, falling over myself not to come off as just another kinky geek hoping to not get laughed at. Midori, for her part, was totally kind and patient, more than willing too accept the coVet book I gave her as "tribute" as well as autographing the Silken Sleeves DVD I'd brought from home. Not only did she look thorough the coVet books thoroughly, she passed them around too her table assistants as well, praising me for my layout, design and photography skills all the while. I was past thrilled to say the least. She made me feel great, which is what Great People do in this sort of situation, I guess.

I expressed regret that i missed her lectures and promised to find a way to make it to her next visit to the NYC/Philly axis. I meant it too. I bought copies of her books Wild Side Sex and Master Han's Daughter, which she also graciously autographed. At the risk of looking silly and pretentious, I autographed the coVet book I gave her and she seemed charmed by the gesture. She made a point to encourage my attendance at the Sunday Night Bash, where she and Kumi would be performing. I told her I wouldn't miss it for anything. Realizing I was late for my next shoot, I thanked her again and headed for the elevators. It probably would have been quicker to just float to the 12th floor, as I was already walking on air.

NExT: Seajewels

FetCon '7 Diary Day Two (part two) - The Mouse That Roars

2007-08-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

i first met Raelyn Mouse at a monthly group shoot held in Ohio. Actually I saw her twice before approaching her about working together via personal message on the Model Mayhem boards. At first she declined, but soon changed her mind. From the start I've found her intriguing...She's thoughtful, erotic, funny, unpredictable...and a fantastic model. Her flexibility and creativity makes her almost fearless. Most models decide what their limits are and then stay well within those limits (they don't call it a "comfort zone" for nothing). Raelyn seems to constantly try to extend past her own limits in an effort to find who she is through her posing. It makes her a consistently rewarding subject to work with.

When she first declined to work with me, she stated that my work was outside of her limits, which i totally understood (and told her so) -- my work isn't for everyone; it isn't for most people really. A few days later she contacted me to say she'd thought it over and decided to work with me after all. We exchanged ideas for a couple off weeks and eventually planned too shoot at the April Collingwood Shoot-out. That session went well, with Raelyn bringing her acrobatic touch to my core ideas -- with beautiful results. At the end of the day we agreed to keep in touch and shoot again at the next opportunity. As fate would have it, that next opportunity wouldn't be until FetCon.

I was already in the room and setting up when Raelyn knocked. We chatted a bit and she got undressed, except for her two-tone patent leather heels which she'd just gotten. I'm not usually a fan of shoes in images, but I decided to go with her preference. I hadn't done anything with rope yet so i put her in a torso tie using a coil of hemp i had in my case. It took a while to do properly, but looked quite good, complete with a fortuitous knot accent at her crotch....a nice mixture of the elegant, the kinky and the just plain dirty. Once I had her tied, things went effortlessly. I'm not sure if she has any background in dance or theater, but the way she transitions from pose to pose, expression to expression leads me too think she does. All I really had to do was decide when to change locales and make sure the lights were right. Contrary to what some may think, I'm quite happy to let the models decide poses for themselves. More often than not, the people I work with have a good understanding of my ideas and my message and have no trouble finding the same page I'm on. Raelyn and I chat online a fair bit and she seems to understand me quite well.

Amidst all posing and shooting, we continued our running dialog about kink, sexuality, pushing limits, creativity, traveling to shoots...The works. As I said, Raelyn is a very thoughtful and interesting person, so any subject becomes more interesting with her as a conversation partner. I know that for her FetCon was about pushing her limits even further than usual, and that was writ large in a series of images we did on the bed, where she added an element off sexuality to her usual physical creativity...It ended up being one of the more erotic sets I would do during the weekend.

When we finished up, I realized how hungry I was. I hadn't taken time to eat since getting up, so i invited Raelyn to join me on a run to Subway...on me of course. She graciously accepted and off we went, continuing our discussion.

After shooting and lunch I decided to hit the convention floor again....I had a bit of time to kill before my next shoot and there were still a few things I hadn't seen yet. I have to admit riding the hotel elevator was quite fun during the weekend. You never knew who you'd see or what they'd be dressed for. On this particular trip, I found myself in the midst of the young undead --several goth types who were on their way to one of the off-site club events of the weekend. Standing in the front of the elevator, I was struck by my extremely "normal" appearance.

"One of these things is not like the others," I said in my best deadpan tone. They were all still laughing when I got off on the second floor.

NExT: An Audience With Her Majesty

FetCon '7 Diary Day Two (part one) - Doctor E's Referral

2007-08-28T04:56:00.000-07:00

I Could have gotten up at 10am. I could have gotten up at 11am. Why didn't I? Because I didn't have to, that's why! Not only had I made sure not to schedule anything until early evening, I was on vacation for Pete's sake...in a darn nice hotel room to boot. Why wouldn't I sleep in?

So both Susi and I spent the early afternoon in our respective beds, channel surfing [yet again] and ordering lunch for breakfast from room service. After watching "Kansas City SWAT" and a documentary on the Spartans i finally decided to get up, dressed and make my way down to the convention floor. Susi was going to do the same, but also had to pack for her day's shoots. I left her to her preparations and caught the elevator down to the second floor. The convention area itself was a jumble of noise and visual stimuli -- four rows of booths with models posing for snapshots, video monitors loudly offering various take home kink, racks and racks of clothes, toys, books -- the works. At the far end of the ballroom was a stage where various players were showing their particular kink for anyone who cared to watch [or join in I suppose]. At various points during the weekend, the stage would be occupied by rope artists, flogging aficionados, pony players, furries, body painters and [on friday night] a couple dozen cosplayers all dressed as super heroines -- not to mention the roughly 200 guys at the foot of the stage clamoring for snapshot room.

Need I say it was the place to be? I thought not.

As I was making the rounds, I stopped at Kumi's table to say hello and make sure we were still shooting later that day. The good news was that we were on for 8-ish that night. The bad news was that Midori was giving her second [and final] lecture of the weekend as we stood there. I kicked myself a little and made a note to actually read the convention schedule next year. As for this year, I made a point to totally suck up to her at the next available opportunity.

I gave Kumi a moo card with her own picture on it [they really went over well, those cards] and went back to L.C's table looking for CyndieMyst was there. I was curious about how she felt the previous night's shooting went and to make sure the other meeting we had been discussing was still on [more foreshadowing]. She wasn't at the table, but Raelyn Mouse, the peculiarly, erotically angelic muse from Michigan was. She stepped up to me, resplendent in a sexy camisole/garterbelt/stocking ensemble and I couldn't help but put my arm around her slender [but still soft] waist. I got the feeling she didn't mind and that made me smile.

"Dr. E is looking for you," she said in her airy, matter-of-fact voice.

"Cool," I replied, holding her close and liking it. "When are we going to shoot?"

She cocked her head and smiled at me. "When do you want to?"

"Well I have a two o'clock and an eight o'clock so far -- why not four?"

"Four is good," she said with a smile. "Where at?"

"My room...1215."

"Sweet!" she said, gently pulling out of my embrace. "I have to go shoot right now and then I need to find Lochai, but if I see Dr. E. I'll send him over to you."

"Swank," I said and turned back to the table. Scott Church was sharing the table with LC and Larry Bradby of DC had the next space over, so it was a nice convenient spot to meet and greet. Over the course of the weekend, I'd meet several prominent personalities there: Natalie Adams and Simone Kross from the west coast,
Maya Sinstress and Bsharp from Chicago among them. The fact that L.C. , Scott and Larry were cool guys to hang with made it all the more appealing.

I was matching notes with Larry regarding our mutual admiration for Michigan model PaleGothGoddess when I noticed a rather handsome gentleman staring at my name tag [something I seem to get a lot of at these functions]. "You're Melvin?" he asked after a moment. "Seven days a week," I replied with a shrug and a smile. Looking at his tag it dawned on me that Dr. E had found me.

it probably bears mentioning that I've admired Dr. E's work for quite a while now. I love his spartan, singular approach to the fetish image...The way he focuses on the intricate details, forcing the viewer to "fill in the blanks" about what we're looking at. I love his attention to facial detail in his images, especially the eyes. What I love most is the apparent disdain he has for any sort of fame or acclaim. He does his own thing, on his own terms, for as long or as short a period as he wishes, wasting no time in the personality sweepstakes that so many of the rest of us seem to get caught up in (you don't think I write this blog for my health do you?) -- Dr. E just does his thing, and that blows my mind.

So you understand how surreal it was for him to be looking for me. We shook hands and exchanged pleasantries and deflected the mutual (and very similar) compliments that neither of us could stand to accept from the other (I honestly can't remember a thing he said about me, which is probably just as well). It was really a classic Alphones et Gaston situation (only kinky).

With this mini mutual admiration society going on, I wasn't prepared for who I saw next. Out of nowhere appeared the lovely tattooed woman from the evening before. While I tried to keep my cool Dr. E introduced me to Julie Coffey. She smiled and extended her hand and the hypnosis was on! She was just plain beautiful, her face a delicate Eurasian mix with brown sugar skin and milk chocolate freckles sprinkled across her cheeks. Light brown almond-shaped eyes and a lips making a black raspberry bow sealed the deal. I took her hand in the most gentlemanly manner I could and looked around for something intelligent to say (other than "wow") as Dr. E talked me up to her. I stammered something about how I'd considered approaching her the night before and that I'd love to shoot with her if she were interested and had free time. I was smart enough to bring my coVet books with me so I pulled a couple out of my shoulder bag and handed them over. As she looked through them her eyes widened along with her smile. I crossed my fingers as she looked up from the page, that candy-colored smile came with her.

"Yes! Definitely!" she exclaimed. "What time and where?"

"I told you he was great," Doctor E. added. "You're gonna love shooting with him."

I went over my schedule in my head for a second. I had someone at 2pm, Raelyn Mouse at 4 and Kumimonster at 8ish. Maybe 6pm? I suggested. "Room 1215?"

"I'll be there," she said, still grinning. I was probably grinning too, but I really can't remember clearly. I thanked her, shook hands with she and Dr. E and we all went our separate ways.

For some reason I spent the next couple of hours rushing around between the convention floor and my room. I had made an impromptu appointment with a model the night before, but either she missed me or I missed her. I didn't take time to think about it -- I still had three more shoots to figure out.

It wasn't until my next trip on the elevator that I noticed my heart pounding...just a little.

NExT: The Mouse that Roars

FetCon '7 Diary - Day One - Who Goes There?

2007-08-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

Isobel Wren and I had been messaging each other back and forth for a couple of months prior to FetCon. She actually contacted me first and while I was most flattered by the attention, I decided that playing it cool would be the better part of valor and I didn't rush to try and schedule her for a shoot, letting her take the lead and make the decision. Eventually we exchanged numbers and I did leave her a phone message about 10 days before FetCon weekend. When she didn't return the message right away, I decided to leave it at that and see if we would cross paths at the actual event. And here she was, crossing my path at 1am [not that i minded].

Her message was inquiring if I had open time to work with her during the weekend, which I certainly did...but my mischevious left brain kicked in and i suggested to Susi that we have her come up right then and there. Susi was more than happy with the idea, as it would give her a chance to take some fotos herself with the Pentax ME that D. Brian Nelson had given her recently. I called Isobel but only got her voicemail. Still playing it cool, I left a quick message and went back to shooting Susi. We did five or six more frame before my phone rang, Isobel on the other line. It only took a minute to talk her into coming up to the room -- she said she'd grab a few things to wear and be up in a few minutes. I put the phone down and did a little mental fist punp, feeling darn pleased with how cooly I'd handled things before Susi and I went out into the hallway to shoot more.

The low level fluorescent lighting in the hallway made for some slow shutter speeds and weird color casts, but all in all it was way cool. Susi reacted to the idea wonderfully, falling to the carpeted floor and crawling back and forth with abandon, sometimes dragging the phone, sometimes carrying it...even doing a few "dirty" things with it [that I may or may not show you]. Before long, Isobel arrived from the other end of the hallway and we adjourned back to the room.

I hadn't done any planning for Isobel at all [not being sure if we'd get a chance to work or anything] so i just played it by ear. She brought along a cool tutu-esque skirt, so i asked her to wear it along with the spaghetti-strap top she had [nothing underneath of course]. I'd looked at her online portfolio a lot recently, but i was still surprised by how slender she was...and flexible as well. I asked her to perch on the long counter of the bathroom sink and she obliged cheerfully, giving lots of long and elegant shapes, seemingly unfazed by the fact that several of them fell squarely into the "spread" category that so many models try to avoid [not unreasonably]. Her ease with both her body and my camera was quite inspiring.

Susi had been watching for awhile and finally got her own camera out and started shooting over my shoulder [which i didn't mind]. The three-way banter went in all directions until somebody [Im not sure if it was Isobel, Susi or me] started talking about sex toys, strap ons in particular. Emboldened by her comfort with the subject, I reached into my suitcase and produced my trusty "soft packer" dildo along with the cock-ring and belt that I use to secure it with. Fastening it around Isobel's waist underneath the skirt, I moved her over to the curtains on the other side of the room and asked her to lift the tutu. Naturally such a prurient idea made me feel totally inspired. After a round of captures, Susi asked her to don a lace-backed vest she'd brought along, which i turned backwards on the spur of the moment. Contrary to what some may think, I totally enjoyed Susi shooting along with me and giving input. I still hope to see some of the images she got of Isobel.

After the vest and curtains, I asked Isobel to take off the tutu and vest and climb onto the bed [Susi's bed as I recall]. She took a moment to drop the clothing on the pile of things she came with and returned to the bed with a pair of black elbow-length latex gloves. We chatted more as she put each glove on and polished them with a bottle of lube.

"You're one of the few photographers I'd do this sort of thing with," she said, matter-of-factly, as she laid back on the bed and brought her gloved hands to the dildo perched just above her pubic area. I made a mental not to ask ehr what about me inspired that sort of personal ease. It's something I've heard more than once from models, but I'm not going to pretend it doesn't still affect me every time someone says it.

We worked on the bed for perhaps half and hour, with Susi contributing posing ideas and even a well-timed foot to make one shot extra dirty/cool. By this time it was nearly 2am and Isobel needed to catch some sleep [everyone seemed to have early morning obligations except Susi and me]. I thanked her for a cool impromptu shoot and we agreed to try and find a little more time during the weekend to shoot again [good luck with that]. After she left for her own room, Susi and I [still not tired] ordered room-service and channel surfed, eventually settling on a Larry King show dealing with transgendered people and their trials and issues [ah, the irony]. Susi and I talked, supped and watched until something like 5am when we finally turned in.

"This is good. Yeah, good," I heard myself thinking as I drifted off to sleep.

NExT: Dr. E Gives a Referral

FetCon '7 Diary - Day One - You Did Bring Cameras...Right?

2007-08-25T05:33:00.000-07:00

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that Tampa International would be a madhouse on a friday afternoon in august. After all, i was on vacation too...though my recreational choices were probably rather different from the rest of the throng around me [or were they?]. My tampa Muse Vhex met me at the passenger pickup and we were off in search of...Light bulbs. i realize only now that i didn't tell her how totally hot she's starting to look...lean and vascular, probably a result of her multiple lives as an equestrian, fetish model, working musician and retail executive. On the way to the hotel i got a call from my roomate, Susi, letting me know where she'd be with my room key. Vhex dropped me off at the Hyatt, gave me a musky hug [from the horses you know] and headed home to get a shower. i got my key from Susi and finally met James [aka SLE Photography] who had a double suite on the 16th floor that made me a little jealous [lots of cool shooting space] and i promised to hook up with him later. i dropped my bags and gear off in the room and headed down to the convention floor.

I made the rounds pretty quickly, rubbing elbows with friends i'd made last year [L.C, Kumi, the folks from Rainbowrope.com] and made acquaintance with some new people from y online life [Von Livid, Larry Bradby, Darenzia]. Before long I'd found CyndieMyst, whom i would have my first shoot with, as well as a far more intimate encounter days later. I ran about the convention floor a bit longer, kicking myself for missing Midori's first lecture of the weekend, handing out cards [the Flickr.com "Moo Cards" were a big hit] and showing off the coVet books I'd brought with me. I didn't sell any of them, but I traded two copies to LC in exchange for his two books which i'd wanted for awhile. Just as the convention was closing for the night, i hooked up with CyndieMyst and Susi for dinner in the hotel lounge. While we were there I finally got to meet Moraxian and his wife Jeanette Thompson [long time internet friends. I have to confess it's still rather strange to find actual people behind all the praise and positive energy that my work receives online. I'm much more used to reading these things off a scree -- to hear the words inhabited by voices and faces is just...not normal for me.

Normal? No. Enjoyable? Most definitely.

While we were eating and meeting, I noticed a petite woman sitting at a nearby table with what looked to be her boyfriend. She was very, very pretty and had one of the more beautiful tattoos I've seen in a long, long time. It was a bright Matisse-flavored image of a Koi fish, framed and ornamented that took up her entire back. I didn't realize I was staring until it hit me that three people were speaking to me and I couldn't hear them. The left side of my brain wanted to go over to her, hand her my card and show her one of my coVet books [which Jeanette had been perusing while I was eating]. The right side of my brain reminded me of all the weird Pittsburgh interactions I'd had with tattooed people over the years [a story for another time]. I listened to the right side of my brain and stayed where I was...The last thing I wanted to interrupt my weekend with was a Pittsburgh tattoo incident.

The preceding paragraph is what we writers call "foreshadowing" -- just so you know.

After dinner and a cigarette [for Susi and CyndieMyst] we went up to Capt. Stu Beans suite where he and Eric Cain had been working in earnest for quite some time now. Looking at the gear, coils of rope and shifted furniture would have made me anxious to shoot in most cases. This time though I felt no need to rush. I found myself totally relaxed, drink in hand, chatting, laughing, swapping jokes and compliments with the rest of the room. Sure I'd been saying that this was how i planned to be this weekend, but to actually do it made me smile more. I was almost sad when Susi suggested we head down to the room and get some work done.

I said Almost.

I never put a ton of planning into my shoots, preferring to come up with a very basic idea/emotion/sensation and let the models tell the story in their own way. This time however, I actually did a bit of thinking and discussing with both Susi and CyndieMsyst , regarding this one. Essentially i hoped to mix my twin conceptual loves -- girl/girl play and gender play -- into a single, evocative story. I'd been playing with this idea for the last several months, but had yet to totally "get it down" so to speak. i figured with a combination like Susi and Cyndie I'd have my best chance of the weekend; Both of them know me, understand [and like] my work and trust my ideas. I, In turn, know their respective limits as well as their comfort zones which gave me an advantage in being able to plan things.

It all went so smoothly, i had to keep checking to make sure i hadn't overlooked anything. Susi & Cyndie wre both naturals for their respective roles: Susi with her 50s pinup style and southern belle mannerisms made a perfect femme and CyncieMyst, wither her lean, muscular {yet still very feminine] physique and darkly angular features was ideal for the role of butch. I started with Susi in a red silk evening dress (that really suited her) and Cyndie in black boy cut shorts and a black tank with her breasts held down by Ace Bandages (fast becoming a trademark fetish with me). We actually did the shoot in a narrative style [another departure for me], starting the "story" with Susi being met by Cyndie at the door and then proceeding to the bed where Susi would eventually be topped by a strap on-wearing CyndieMyst. I toyed with introducing ropes to the scene, but decided against it -- I found it more interesting (and kinkier) to show a sense of mental/emotional bondage, which was easy with Cyndi's penetrating eyes and Susi's ability to express with her whole body, not just her face. With all the positives i started with, I don't think a full hour went by before i "Had it."

The three of us chatted for a bit after I called the shoot done, but Cyndie had an early shoot the next day and left for her own room. Susi and I had some ideas of our own, so we decided to keep working. I had a special prop that I'd brought with me specifically for her -- my dad's old portable phone, which I'd found in a box of stuff a few weeks before. Essentially a variation of "the brick" with a fake leather case complete with a Velcro fastener and carry strap. My basic idea was to show Susi in bed, engaged in phone sex, with the mobile phone adding just a bit of loony/kinky backspin to the scene. As I already mentioned, Susi is totally expressive and always seems to "get" me and my ideas. I knew the images would be among my best of the weekend; especially the film captures which have an element of darkness that adds to their prurience.

I was trying to decide if we should take the idea out into the hotel hallway when my phone beeped. Who would be sending me a text message at this hour?

NExT: How many of those things do you have?

FetCon '7 Diary - Day One - Fly Like An Eagle

2007-08-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

Pittsburgh is like the Mafia -- once you're in you can't ever seem to get out. This time the city seemed even more determined to hold me in, with torrential downpours and old-testament flavored lightning having hung over the city all week long. I was getting into Tampa late enough without some ridiculous weather situation holding my plane up. Though the morning had been typically hot, cloudy and humid, at least it wasn't pouring -- yet. I looked up at the sky as i waited for my ride to the airport thinking "just hold off until i can get in the air before you unload...is that so unreasonable?

True to my luck, the sky opened up a few miles from the airport with rain in sheets -- the kind of rain that makes less adventurous drivers pull off to the side of the road to wait it out. It stopped as quickly as it started though and i crossed my fingers as we pulled into passenger drop-off. I no time flat I was though security, had a bottle of water and a bag of pretzels and was on the plane. Takeoff was silky smooth; we chopped our way through the clouds and there was the sun, beckoning me to come closer.

I didn't need to be told twice.

NExT: Stop Enjoying Yourself and Shoot Something.

FetCon '7 Diary - Preamble

2007-08-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

This is gonna take awhile, so any and all patience will be necessary, not just appreciated.

I suppose the biggest lesson of FetCon '7 for me is that the way to control the experience is not to control it at all; to relax and let it just happen to you, around you even. Last year I tried to control the experience mostly out of fear i'd find myself on the outside looking in. That was the tone of many previous experiences at fetish events and i simply didn't have enough information about FetCon to assume differently, so i give myself a walk on last year's mistakes and took steps to rectify them this year.

More than anything else, I kept my shooting plans minimal, only scheduling a few solid shoots with people i knew well and felt passionately about and making sure to leave myself ample time to meet/network/hang with people who i didn't get to do that with last year due to my own overmanagment. i also wanted to give myself time to hit the showroom as well as taking in some of the lectures/seminars. I also tried to factor in some space for downtime in case i got overloaded/exhausted. Basically i wanted to have a stress-free [but still productive] weekend for myself. I took great care not to worry about the light shooting schedule, telling myself that opportunities would create themselves; they did last year and i found myself unable to open the door when they came knocking. This year was going to be different.

The biggest [and smartest] change i made this year was to say at the hotel proper. Last year I stayed at a friend's house, and while I don't think she minded too much, it had to be a strain on bother her and her husband. They were patient as saints with me and my antics, but i can only imagine how glad they must have been to see me go after turning their living room into my own private mini-con. Besides, the convention room rate was only $120 a night, so splitting it with another person wound up being more than doable.

The most obvious thing about being on-site is that it put me in the middle of everything [anything?] and took the onus for my whereabouts from Vhex's shoulders. I didn't have to worry about forcing her to be or do anything she wasn't into. She was free to come and go as she pleased, and so was I. Last but not least, being at the hotel meant that i could keep my own hours. Sure I was on vacation, but that didn't mean Vhex [or her husband] would be, so staying on site meant that staying up until all hours was cool -- because that's what everybody around me would be doing too.

So...I had my plan. Now it was time to watch it all go awry, which it would do often, usually in the most delightful ways.

NExT - Leaving On a Jet Plane...

file backup discoveries 2

2007-07-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

DelilahBrat

PaleGothGoddess

LadyViola

MissKate

file backup discoveries 1

2007-07-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

if anything is good about losing a computer, it's that one has to go through every single file on every single disc to decide what to upload to the new computer as well as what to save to the external drives. i've actually found a nice little trove of stuff that i liked and edited when i first shot it and promptly forgot about as i shot and edited more stuff. so now that i've found it, i'm gonna make you look at a lot of it.

you don't mind, do you?

sub: antietam

domme: Maya Sinstress

seven songs

2007-06-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

1. "Eternity" by Mudville

2. "You Can't Hurt Me No More" by Gene Chandler

3. "What's Wrong With Groovin" by Letta Mbulu

4. "I Love You" by Eddie Holman

5. "Heavenly Father" by Eula Cooper

6. "Keep On Moving" by Patti Drew

7. "Why Can't You Love Me" by Barbara Lynn

Friendly Warning

2007-06-23T04:59:00.001-07:00

Mingle² - Online Dating

Fame (or lack of it)

2007-06-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, someone who likes my work will wonder why I’m not “famous.” There are a few reasons I think.

I tend to believe that I’m living on the wrong coast for what I do. While there are some excellent fetish photographers and models here in the east, the left coast is definitely more open, with photographers, models and even riggers constantly networking and collaborating. I have a feeling the geographical mindset helps a bit out there: people on the west coast comfortably travel distances that we in the east would view as major undertakings. I routinely hear of models/photographers/riggers driving from Northern California to Washington State for shoots while here getting a model to Mt. Washington from Carrick (which both lie in the city limits) is a big deal…It’s hard to be a rock star photographer when you can’t get a model to take a trip cross town to shoot, isn’t it?

Another part of my lack of stardom is the tone of my work. The style I deal in is very intimate – more often than not it’s a literal translation of my own emotional and sexual persona, combined with the personal energy the subject brings to the shoot. I never think beyond the story I’m telling at a given moment and the people I’m working with. The ability (or desire) to consider a broader audience in my work simply isn’t a part of my skill set…and I never miss it, to be honest. What’s more I so totally relish the comfort that people already following me seem to feel that changing my methods seems foolish. I love the way that “fans” feel able to approach me on such a personal level when they comment on my work or even what I say about the work. I know it’s a bit delusional, but I tend to think of them more as friends (and not in some silly My Space way) than just followers or fans or what have you. It’s thrilling and sometimes a bit scary to see how thoroughly they take my images to themselves, and how willing they are to share what they feel and think with me. “My People” (as I tend to call them) are a huge inspiration. If it came down to losing them to gain that elusive larger following, I couldn’t do it. They give me so much hot, fun positive energy the least I can give them in return is a little allegiance.

A third reason I’m not “bigger” is that I have yet to find a true Advocate for my work – someone with a say in the bigger scene (fetish, art or both) who’s willing to use that voice in service of my art. Basically I need a rep – someone to hustle my work and my books and compel those on the inside to take a look at what I’m doing…A serious look. I can’t do it myself because a) I don’t know anybody important and b) I’d be lousy at it. Though it’s easy for me to rattle on here, it’s much harder for me to discuss myself in the context of promoting myself. The idea of selling me to anyone is totally alien to me.

Additionally, I’ve never thought I did the kind of work that “arts” well – that is, the content and execution of what I do is a bit much for people to hang in their home or office, a situation I totally understand. I think my work functions much better in a book form, if only because of the “sock drawer” factor – you can hide a book (with your lube, vibrator and such – remember?) much more easily than a framed and matted print. Just lock your sock drawer when company comes over…or (better still) don’t lock it.

But whether or not I get “famous” or not…My work is my own. I love doing it and love the responses I get from people over it. If somehow I achieve “rock star” status or even manage to get paid for what I do…You’ll still find it right here.

I promise.

Pornography (again)

2007-05-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

“Do you think sex is dirty?”

“Only if you’re doing it right.”

--from Take the Money and Run

The trouble with pornography (this time) is that while people are (slowly) starting to admit they like it (at least to themselves), they still refuse to admit that liking it is okay. I suppose this “dirty little secret” approach is part of the fun for a lot of people, but it doesn’t make it any easier to free the true idea of porn from the social invective that contemporary society has weighed it down with. What’s that mean? It means the same old thing it always does: until we (e.g.: you) can feel less dirty about whatever porn you get off on, the quality of that porn will remain low; it’s pretty hard to demand quality in a product you’re pretending you don’t even use, isn’t it?

Before I go on, let me make one thing clear: not only do I like porn, I make it. I should also say that while I cheerfully refer to myself as a pornographer, I also consider myself an artist. I have no problems reconciling these titles; in fact it’s a bigger deal getting comfortable seeing myself as an artist, really. I’m an artist who’s work deals with sexuality in terms as frank as I can manage – which is a fair definition of pornography. Basically, the art I make is pornographic while the porn I create is in a manner that’s as artistic as possible…get it?

People who like me and/or my work routinely encourage the separation of my twin identities (guess which one is considered the “evil” twin). They mean well, so I don’t mind their efforts so much and their reasoning always teaches me things about what they’re thinking: about my work, about their work, about their own perceptions/expectations, even what turns them on (and how they feel about whatever that turn-on is). One of the more interesting approaches to my perceived judgment error is the idea that I can’t possibly see my work as porn because the only thing porn is good for is masturbation. Tellingly enough, they always resort to some faintly whimsical allusion from the “nudge, nudge/wink, wink” school of sexual humor when they’re telling me this. When I hear this sort of talk, I just smile and shake my head – though it really makes me kind of sad; there’s no way we’re gonna get to the point where porn is okay when we can’t even admit that masturbating is okay (and even if not everyone is into porn, we know everyone gets themselves off). Granted, I’ve read way more Betty Dodson than most people, but it really blows my mind that we can’t de-criminalize something so elemental, natural and common to all our experiences. Think about it: Here we are, grown men and women, still talking about sex they way we did in 6th grade study hall. Holy cow.

The truth is I actually do aspire to the very idea people employ to discourage my philosophy. To me there is nothing more powerful in the human experience than sexuality -- why else do you think community, religion and government spend so much time worrying over it? The idea that I can be a part of that human energy is really thrilling to me...Much more thrilling than having some "expert" or other say "nice pic" or whatever. I know how much it takes to get me aroused to the point of self-pleasure, so when someone else is aroused by something I create, it's more than just artistically satisfying, it's a power/ego trip that can't be equaled by very much in this world. My art is what I do and sexuality is what it's about...so showing someone a sexual image that touches their sexuality is as good as it gets for me. Nothing could be a greater compliment to my work than to hear that people keep my books or prints of my stuff in the same drawer with their lube, condoms, vibrators, nipple clamps…whatever turns them on most. I literally want to be where the action is.

And don’t worry -- if you happen to get something on the prints or stain the books too much, you let me know and I’ll send you another.

available 6.15.07

Scars.

2007-05-23T15:30:00.000-07:00

"marks"

"Scar"

"Dexterity"

Most people who know me as a photographer don’t know that I’m also a musician and songwriter [retired]. In the last few months, I’ve been cajoled into writing songs for a local singer’s new self-produced CD. It’s actually going pretty well from a writing point of view…how well the actual CD turns out isn’t really up to me, as I don’t have anything to do with the recording or production process.

The only negative part of the experience is the realization that the singer in question probably doesn’t trust me enough to do the photographs for the cd cover. She knows about my life as a photographer [thought she probably doesn’t understand most of what I do or why] and has even bought my series of coVet books [don’t ask me why], but I don’t think she’ll ever trust my vision or my idea for the CD cover enough to let me do it – and I certainly don’t want to shoot something lame or uninteresting for it...Unless she pays me a lot of money to do so, of course.

The sad thing is that I have a really strong idea that [imo] will make the cd really stand out from the crowd…and give me a chance to shoot something really interesting for myself as well. The singer has a scar on her abdomen from a surgery a few years back that I would love to shoot in black and white – probably for the inside cover [the front cover would be a black and white image of her singing]. I guess the “message” of the images is to show people how the act of singing is like stripping oneself naked in front of an audience, opening oneself up and revealing what’s inside [for better or for worse]. The idea is so strong in my mind that I can totally see it as a finished piece…Alas; I doubt you’ll ever get to see it as I do, because she’s having none of the idea. She has a lot of beauty/weight/age issues in her head [most of them instilled by her parents sadly enough], that will probably keep me from shooting the cover at all, much less shooting it the way I see it.

The whole situation is very strange to me, because one thing I’ve never had to deal with in my work is lack of trust on the part of the subjects I work with. In the last year, I’ve photographed people with scars, missing limbs, people weighing over 200 lbs, women with stretch marks, body hair, bald women, tattoos – the works. I can’t recall any point where there was a moment of mistrust of what I might see [or how I’d see it] on their parts. As far as I know, they’ve always been totally at ease with trusting me with their bodies – a trust I think I’ve earned over the years with the work I’ve done. I’m sure that some have been nervous with the situation I’ve placed them in, they’ve still let me see them in the way I chose to…and they seem happy with the results of what I’ve seen.

I admit it – one of the things I love most about my work is that people trust me so readily and so totally. I think it speaks well of me and my work in a way that written testimonials never could. I also love the fact that people who may think themselves unattractive can look at my work and realize that isn’t necessarily the case – they just have yet to see themselves [or be seen] a beautiful and compelling. I thrill to the idea of being able to instill that sense of possibility in someone through my images.

I guess I’m a bit sad that I probably won’t accomplish this with the singer. What makes me doubly sad is that her self-image is so totally inaccurate. She’s in her early 40s, with the sensuality and instinct that seems to be natural to women that age. Just watching her sing is practically an erotic experience [hence my idea of photographing her face in mid-song]. As for her scars, I have yet to see a scar that wasn’t evocative and beautiful. I’ve always thought of scars as our medals for having survived the world, and have yet to meet someone with a scar who didn’t have a compelling story to tell [whether it related directly to the scar or not]. Maybe that’s what I’m really unhappy about – the fact that the singer has an amazing story to tell that she’s hiding from me…A secret beauty that she’s concealing from me [and herself as well]. I think I need to try talking her into it some more.

images: Meja, Crystallin and Angie, all taken at the Collingwood Arts Center

Toy Camera...RIP?

2007-05-19T13:39:00.000-07:00

Toybox One.

Toybox Two.

People who follow my work have probably noticed the absence of any new “Toycamera” images in recent months. There’s reason for that, which has more to do with fiscal/logistical realities than creativity. The truth is my local black-and-white lab ceased operations at the end of ’06, leaving me without a reasonable way of processing and printing my toycamera images. I have to confess that even before this happened, I’d been tapering off on this part of my work, mostly due to the time and expense involved. I use a particular type of film in my toycameras [Ilford 3200 Delta 120] that’s unavailable in my area, making it necessary to order from NYC boxhouses. While there’s nothing wrong with that, the fact that the Ilford has been in corporate flux itself the last year or so has me thinking that the film might not even be on the market much longer. Ironically, I was considering investing in a large stock of the film in event that Ilford finally went under when my lab when under first – leaving me with about 20 undeveloped rolls of film sitting in my desk drawer. In a weird way, I was kind of relieved, since each roll of film costs me about $15 to get processed and proofed – without any kind of guarantee that a roll will have anything useful on it. When I think about how much I’ve spent on this part of my work, I wonder what else I could have bought with that money…though I have no regrets about working in this particular medium.

To be honest, I haven’t missed the toycamera aspect as much as I thought I would. I carry fewer cameras with me on the road now and spend a lot less money on film/processing [the 35mm black and white I use is much cheaper to deal with]. The energy I used to spend on keeping track of which toy to use in what situation is now used on refining the actual shooting/posing/lighting of the scene I’m dealing with, as well as a new concentration of creating possibilities for diptychs and other multiple image concepts that I’m enjoying and people really seem to like a lot. Basically I’ve just channeled the energy into a different creative avenue while saving myself considerable expense and time spent scanning/retouching proofs.

So what about all this toycamera work? Well in deference to my newfound love of collective/sequential imagery, I decided to come up with a series of “tribute” pieces, the first of which you see here. The title “Toybox” pretty much chose itself. It’s been quite fun digging through my archives to find older, less well-known toycamera pieces to include in the series, and I’ve even surprised myself with the things I’ve found that I didn’t pay attention to when they were new. So far there are 8 pieces in the “Toybox” series, with a few more possibly on the way. These first two will be my entries in the Dark Visions group show in Toldeo next month, so stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, anyone who has black-and-white processing capability and wants to help out a fellow artist, drop me a line…

Diptychs II - CandyPoses

2007-04-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

If you needed any more proof of how amazingly revolutionary the intraweb is, try and imagine any other way for a black gen-x photographer from Pittsburgh and a Lebanese/Polish gen-y feminist from Virginia to not just meet, but to become creative partners.

I first saw CandyPoses on ModelMayhem [I think] a year or so ago. I followed the lin to her blog and found an articulate, opinionated and occasionally pissed off young woman balancing a career as a nude model with her orientation as a feminist. While I usually cringe at anything that involves "isms" or "ists" I found her both beautiful and interesting-- an irresistible combo to me. I added her to my mental "model wish list" without ever expecting anything to actually come of it.

Photographers tend to "suck up" to models they're hoping to work with -- sometimes to an embarrassing degree, taking care to always tell them what they [think they] want to hear in a given interaction, even is said photographer thinks the exact opposite. What made my conversations with Candy different was that I had no idea/hope she might even like my work, much less consider being a part of it. With this mindset, I felt free to openly disagree with things she said online, often coming into her own blog to do so. It's not like I was burning bridges or anything, as I never thought there were any to burn. I can only assume that the reasonably intelligent and honest way I conducted myself in these encounters is what created the bridge that eventually connected us. Whatever the reason, something made her contact me about the possibility of working together -- an idea which thrilled me, though I tried to be as cool about it as I could at the time. How was I to know that all the "fine art nude" work she'd been presenting was only a part of the story? After a few months of back and forth communication, we managed to negotiate the geography gap and meet at the February Collingwood Arts Center shootout. I actually didn''t want to go to the shootout at all, but I'm glad she coaxed me into it, because I learned how cool the CAC shoots were and now I'm a regular there.

We shot for a good 2 hours that day, with Candy braving my embryonic genderplay/strapon ideas as well as a 55F basement. Not only did we get some amazing stuff, we found that we had more in common than you'd think a pornographer and a feminist should. We actually keep in touch more than before, emailing frequently and even giving each other shouts in our respective blogs. Right now, she's in the process of writing the foreword for my next covet book -- I have no idea what she'll say about me, but it will definitely be something to think about, whether you agree with her or not.

Diptychs...From the Begining...

2007-04-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

A friend and model recently complimented me on the fact that I tend to revisit ideas and concepts often. I’ve never been sure why it takes multiple visits to an idea for me to declare myself “done” with it. Lots of different artists tend to have the same trait, so I wonder if it’s just a part of the creative temperament to keep trying something until it’s “just so.”

Anyway, I’m not sure what it is about diptychs and multiple imaging that attracts me. Perhaps it’s just that I love cinema and the idea of using more than a single frame to tell a story or convey a thought is second nature to me. I’ve always shot a lot of frames when I work, so I think a natural outgrowth of my process is that various images in a given context will “fit” together. I think there’s also a subtext in a multiple-image piece that “proves” the first image wasn’t an “accident” and that I truly do control the process by which the images were created. Photographers, more than most other artists, seem to have an issue with the idea that what we do is accidental. All those people claiming that we “just push a button” getting under our skin, I suppose.

I’ve probably been doing diptychs of my work easily for a year now. I started off in a fairly conventional way – placing vertical images side-by-side in a horizontal frame, placing horizontal images one atop the other in a vertical frame. I used a white border for a while. I was happy enough with my results and got lots of positive feedback. There was still something missing from the pieces, though – I felt they could have a little more je ne said quoi.

Then I found the answer – or rather I stole it! I saw a photographer on the ModelMayhem site who was doing diptychs and triptychs using a novel combination of one vertical image and one horizontal one, matching the short-side width of the vertical piece with the long-side width of the horizontal one. It was totally simple, but it automatically gave a new energy and novelty to the diptychs. After doing two or three, I switched to a black border and my “new” method was complete. The “strip” feeling of the pieces seems to really command the eye, if only because of how very graphic it is – the size and shape of the image is such an abstraction of how we normally view a photograph that the content of the image is further invigorated.

The diptych concept has impacted how I take photographs as well now. I find myself stepping back during shoots to make sure I “see” the idea from both the vertical and horizontal plane. The trick is not to just repeat the image both ways, but to find a way where the two images will combine to effectively tell the story I want the viewer to know. I do have to be careful that this process doesn’t end up overshadowing the ideas themselves – a tricky balance, but a nice challenge to spice up the work.

But that’s enough explaining. I thought it most appropriate to start with three collaborations with a true muse and inspiration, MayanLee

NEXT: Candy

Where, oh where...

2007-04-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

It’s definitely a good news/bad news thing: I’ve had virtually nothing to say here in the ‘blog for quite a while now, which means I’m totally occupied with my art – as well as happy with the results I’m getting. Not that I ever complain about my creative situation here, but I do use this blog to explain my process to myself [and anyone else who cares to read this thing]. Basically I’ve just been too busy doing the work to talk about it…which is about as cool a reason for writers’ block as I can think of.

Most of my work has been on the road the last several months. Discovering the Dearborn/Detroit/Toledo corridor has been a boon – it’s an inexpensive and easy trip and opens me to a lot of new and interesting people who are cool with my work and relatively issue-free. It also gives me lots of options regarding shooting spaces – far more than I have here in Pittsburgh [where I really only have one place I can count on anymore]. Shooting in Toledo is especially exciting, because I’m working at the Collingwood Arts Center right on the Toledo/Detroit border. It’s a big old gorgeous building that used to be a catholic school and now serves as a school for performing arts as well as an active artists’ residence. I can’t speak to how other “shoot outs” are run, but this one is totally cool. For a flat $20 fee I have access to the whole building for a day and as many people as I can set up shoots with. As I write this, I’m scheduled to work with 10 different people at the April 21st shoot. And all it took to find most of them was a couple of posts on the ModelMayhem message board. Really it’s at the the point where I can let them find me, which people seem to do with increasing frequency.

Probably the coolest thing about my growing “rep” in the MI/OH confluence is the fact that I’ve built my buzz by doing just what I’ve always done. I have yet to alter my work, my approach to people or the way I conduct myself. I really think my “no-nonsense” approach is something that models in the area are finding attractive. I’m my usual personable self, but I don’t go overboard trying to be “friends” with models. I get the feeling that a lot of the photographers who do these shoot outs try a bit too hard to come off as “nice guys” and end up coming off as a bit neurotic [if harmless]. I’m probably tying to cover up my neurosis more than most, so I keep a bit of objective distance between myself and most of the people I work with there. Like I said, I’m still perfectly nice, but I don’t overdo it.

Oddly enough, my new forays into the MI/OH corridor seem to have sparked a resurgence of shooting opportunities here in Pittsburgh as well. I’ve had several very successful shoots here in town over the past few months, with various people, both new to my circle and familiar friends. I’ve got lots of really intense and interesting stuff, including a few conceptual firsts. In addition to all this new work, I’m experimenting with new ways of presenting images to you as well – diptychs, mosaics and the like. This has caused me to dig into my archives much farther than usual to find images to work into the new methodology. It’s fun, but time consuming and with that added on to my usual editing pace for the new stuff…

Well you get the idea. I just haven’t had time to write about my work much…Mostly because I’ve been doing too much work!

So here’s my compromise: instead of spending days and weeks pondering “big” questions about my work and my motivations, I propose to show you a different piece every few days and give you some quick thoughts about how the image happened and what I hope it means in the grand scheme of my work. It won’t be the deep thinking I originally planned to fill this blog with, but it will make me feel more like I’m staying in touch with the folks who are kind enough to stick with me and read this thing.

TOMORROW: diptychs.

Shopping list for the next two weekend's shooting

2007-03-05T11:15:00.000-08:00

10 rolls Kodak CN400 35mm film

6 rolls Ilford Delta 3200 120 [toycamera] film

256mb SD card

black ribbon

blue saran wrap

2" Ace bandage

theatrical mask

1 black dildo

1 flesh dildo

1 "soft package" dildo [is it still correct to refer to it as a dildo?]

Round-trip bus ticket to Detroit, MI

pornography

2006-06-26T23:46:00.000-07:00

To those who don’t know me, I imagine my embracing the word “pornography” to describe my work is surprising…after all; nobody would use such an explosive, derisive, dirty word to define their own art, would they?

The fact is, I find that by identifying my work as pornography, I end up diffusing much of the potential invective that might greet my work, “stealing the argument” if you will. All too often, opponents of fetish/erotic/nude art try to dismiss the art as “just” porn – an easy and [usually] effective way to “un-art” the work in question. Why even discuss something that’s “just” porn? It seems almost too simple, but responding to the initial challenge in an affirmative manner stops that challenge dead in its tracks. Critics seeking to reduce an artwork to “porn” or “smut” [or worse] are rarely prepared to go beneath the surface of even their own viewpoint. It’s even more effective for the artist to “out” his own work before the “critical” challenge is even made. Simply being upfront and unashamed about one’s art is often enough to drain the opposing argument of power, which says more about how flimsy the challenging position was to begin with than how smart [or even right] I might happen to be.

Even more important than winning this or that argument is the need to reclaim the very meaning of the word pornography from under the various neo-moralist agendas that have redefined it in the image of their various social ideologies. It always shocks me how far from the actual dictionary language the term has been forcibly moved. The blame rests evenly on the right and left sides of the socio-political spectrum: Radical Feminists, Evangelical Christian Nationalists, advocates of political “correctness”, vote-hungry politicians and media hysteria have all heaped their various subtexts onto the word pornography until the true definition of the word has been crushed into non-meaning, making it a blank slate for any boogeyman the opponent in question wishes to project onto it.

The key to everything is the work itself of course. If you’re going to make art and tell people it’s pornography, the work needs to be of sufficient technical quality and creative strength to blur or hopefully erase the line that opponent critics seek to draw between what is and isn’t valid art. That more and more often the art in question is photography [still not fully accepted as an art form] adds to the fervor of critical opposition [often to the point of outrage]. While painters, sculptors, poets and other artists have long used their media to speak on sexual themes and ideas, both real and fantastic, the idea of real, live people [maybe even people you know] participating in a sexual artwork only aggravates the opposition.

So really what is needed is a balance of content, intent and execution. We can’t just turn out dirty pictures and hope somebody sees artistic merit in them – because the opposition we’re dealing with doesn’t want to – in fact, they want exactly the opposite, the better to devalue the art as well as the artists who make it [e.g.: us].

I remember showing my work to a woman I considered fairly intelligent and liberal of thought only to watch her try to repeatedly cast the same old shadows of disapproval over my work. While I don’t have a problem with people saying “I hate your work,” what does bother me is the way many people try to damn the work by praising the more portrait-based tone of my earlier work. As an artist, I can’t imagine a bigger insult than “I sure like what you used to do” – imagine telling Picasso how much you dug the Blue Period while you’re looking at Les Demoiselles d'Avignon.
Right.

The twist on the discourse was my cheerful refusal to accept her issues regarding my work [or perhaps of her own] as a valid viewpoint. I tried to be nice, but I had no problem letting her know that if she didn’t like my work, then that was her problem…not mine.

I realize it’s an uphill battle. The number of artists making sexually-themed work grows everyday, but the percentage of those artists willing to have their work seen as “porn” or even as purely sexual in content is as small as ever – the opposition have done their job well, with no sign of letting up soon. The fact is that most artists don’t think [or care] enough about the long-term consequences of letting critical opponents redefine and codify our visual cannon enough to do anything about it…most probably carry on unaware of the entire issue. Most artists of the genre settle for the beige non committal of “erotic art” to describe what they do [do you think painters or sculptors ever feel the need to remind you that what they do is art?] while even more artists abandon the notion of sexuality altogether, choosing to sidestep critical attack undercover of the “Fine Art Nude” construct. Artists who embrace this [in my opinion] artificial context seem to indulge in a lot of acetic, cerebral, neo-classical talk involving “form,” “line,” “texture and shadow,” “light and composition” and so on – in what always strikes me as an effort to make the viewer [or perhaps the artist] forget all about the naked [and almost always classically beautiful] body in the middle of the image. I know a few artists whose work is as starkly sexual as my own [if not more so] who refuse acknowledge the nudity/sexuality aspect of their work at all, referring to their body of work as “portraits,” which I suppose is true in a sense, but smacks of post-modern cynicism and denial in my view. I sincerely don’t get it: If an artist feels strongly enough about sexuality/nudity/the body to make it the core of their work, why not just say so? I’m totally convinced that “owning” the energy that fuels one’s work is terribly important to elevating that work to a point where critical sniping and public stigma are powerless against it. I’m sure a lot of the artists and models who huddle under the fallout shelter of Fine Art Nude Aesthetic think I’m a juvenile pervert with a one-track mind, but the idea that I’m supposed to look at a [beautiful] naked body in a [usually] incongruous or intimate setting and not think anything remotely sexual just seems weird. I honestly don’t see how propping a body up against a tree or draping over a rock or perching it atop a pedestal or posing box renders it sexually inert…in fact it feels to me like a more politically correct version of the “dehumanization” of the self that post-Vietnam radical feminists have derided pornography for time and time again. When you [try to] drain the sexual energy from the body [which is how we all go here by the way], what do you have left? Why an object, of course. By the same token, I don see how acknowledging the sensual allure of a beautifully rendered nude image would precluded my appreciation of the skill and passion shown by the artist in addition to the grace and ability of the subject to empower the artists’ vision. Can you imagine a more powerful meeting of beauty/intellect and skill?

Of course, all this theory is wonderful, but how to incorporate the philosophy into the work without weighing the images down until they lose their impact? In my own work I try to maintain a balance between the technical, the philosophical, the emotional and the sexual. I suppose the fact that I’m making images rooted in my own psyche makes the emotional and the sexual come more easily, but I also think that’s what makes my work resonate with viewers [especially women] the way that it does. My goal is to show the viewer [e.g.: you] scenes that transcend the common language of pornography – the playacting, the use of camp and commercialized fantasy that impedes the opportunity for the images to be absorbed on any serious level. The fetish elements of my images try to plumb deeper depths than the “damsel in distress” conceit that [while a valid artistic tradition] is all too often made into parody by casual viewers and opponent critics alike. I try to create a mixture of desire, emotion, sensation, sexuality and more than a little risk in my images. When I succeed at this, it makes the fact that I freely call it pornography an even more significant statement – one that many people [both friend and foe] have trouble metabolizing. I’ve been told more than once that the only reason I declare my work pornography [and myself a pornographer by logical extension] is for the “shock value” – this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact my goal is opposite: by proudly calling my own work pornography while exhibiting the same pride of craft and philosophy as any other artist, I hope to remove the “shock” factor from sexual art regardless of how the artist identifies it.

Sometimes it’s as simple as giving the viewer the freedom to admit they like pornography in the first place. Seriously…Porn may be a multi-billion dollar industry, but when was the last time you heard anybody say they actually liked it out loud? I know a really nice woman, who’s purchased all three of my covet books so far, and has even commissioned a print for framing. Whenever we talk about the work I do, she gets so totally uncomfortable with my referring to it as porn – because she really loves it, and the idea of loving porn [even if you happen to like it] is totally antithetical to our societal mindset [in the US anyway]. There’s a certain charm to her groping for a middle ground term to declare [because she knows I won’t tolerate the vagueness of “erotic art” or [worse] “erotica” [terms which translate in my mind as “any porn that I happen to like”]. It thrills me to encounter someone who is so drawn to my work that they’re constantly searching for ways to define it that work for both her and myself. During that last chat, she mentioned that what struck her about my images [even the ones that made her uncomfortable], was the obvious love and emotion that I put into each one. Slowly but surely, she’s coming closer to being able to reconcile the idea that my work is both artistic and pornographic, as my own faith in my actions and their motivations is newly justified. The fact that she likes my work enough to actually buy it is a lovely bonus.

I realize these are tiny steps in the big picture, but it’s not a bad way to go through the world, if you ask me.

beautiful

2006-06-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

“The orgy among the spectators is more realistic than the ritualistic sex on stage, but there’s a really fat guy in there who spoils the whole effect.”

-- Danny Peary, Critiquing “Beyond the Green Door” in Cult Movies

One of my favorite fetish photographers notes on their web profile that they don’t work with “BBW” models – not from personal fiat, but in deference to the tastes of their [paying] audience. “I don't require skeletal thinness, curves are sexy, but I'm afraid I can't really use photos of BBWs. Don't mean to be size-ist, but this is, after all, business,” the profile reads. I understand the logic of such a position, but I still think it’s a shame. I can’t help thinking what new, kinky tenors that a little size diversity would impart to this person’s work. While it’s already plenty kinky, it’s not like this sort of work can be too kinky, right?

If anything distinguishes my own work, it’s the range of people that are seen as beautiful and sexual by it. I confess to a fair bit of pride in my ability to see erotic possibility in anyone/everyone, regardless of gender, color, body type, age…just regardless. Most importantly, I never make a “nontraditional” subject play a role of oddity or comedy – if I do that; I may as well rename my site goofyfatchixxx.net or something. I want to make people feel a part of the erotic world, not more of an exception than they already may feel.

One of the frustrating things about current fetish culture is how “beauty”-centric it’s become, as if the measure of kinkiness or Eros were reduced to the same size-conscious, lookist contexts that render mainstream fashion and beauty ideals so inert. I’ve only been to a few “fetish events,” but more than anything they’ve consisted of fabulous, shiny, beautiful people strutting their stuff in high-end pvc/latex style, jockeying for the best spot to be seen while waiting for the inevitable “fetish fashion” show – more fabulous, shiny, beautiful people in even higher end pvc/latex style gear. It’s sort of like a fashion show watching another fashion show. Through all this, away from the brighter lights, you find the people who come to the event for things deeper than building local style-points or the curiosity-seek -- people who are kinky in their minds and erotic in their souls. These are the people I seek out -- people who see fetish as who they are, not what they wear.

Around the time of the last fetish event I attended, I got a chance to speak and show my work at a meeting held by a small lifestyle fetish group in Ohio. At first I thought I would be totally eclipsed by the other photographer speaking that night, a star of fetish scene royalty in the area as well as a photographer with a long list of willing subjects…Not only was I quite un-royal in that or any other scene, I didn’t really get a chance to really prepare for the meeting or create a presentation. All I had was a few slides and my honest feelings about the work I do. I did my best to convey the passion that I have for my work as well as my desire to create a space in the erotic world not only for them but for me. I remember saying something to the effect that I could imagine doing a shoot right then and there with any one of a dozen people in attendance…and causing an audible ripple through the room…And I knew I had reached them. If I hadn’t realized it by then, it probably would have occurred to me after the meeting adjourned and I was surrounded by four or five women from the crowd [all distinctly beautiful in diverse ways I might add], peppering me with questions: What do I look for in a subject? Could I find them interesting to work with? What were my photo sessions like? Needless to say, it was a feeling far beyond royal. Quite incidentally, I had found the people that were lost in the dark and noise of fetish even culture: I’d met the audience which reacts to my work with so much passion and poetry online and commitment and fire before my cameras. By showing them how much they belonged, I discovered that I belonged myself.

And so do you…If you want.

audience.

2006-06-04T11:38:00.000-07:00

…sometimes the audience sees the image better than the artist. And so it was here….

Even though i haven't read all the comments for this deviation, i'll risk it and say that no one seems to've picked up on one lovely, graceful, and (for me) a meaningful feature in this photo....the hand of the dominant one, that bestows with such grace, the favored touch to the submissive's chin.As you know, dear friend, from the talks we had when i first had Yahoo Messenger... i've been in this position, and i've been a favorite. The time i'm thinking of is when i served a mistress for two years, when i first served as a submissive. As soon as i saw this photo i was transported immediately to my service with her. We adored each other but each in their way to the other due to the D/s status. i too love the blur of the toy camera. The thing is, when i really think about it, no one sees things with crystal clarity at all times. Moments like this would just naturally blur in the mind's eye. There are other times in (for instance) a session that would bring particular sights & moments into focus, even if one were in 'space' (either Dom/me or sub space, it doesn't matter). So for this scene you've captured to be somewhat out of focus is not all that unusual or out of order. i would however love to see one of the digital views where you say it looks harder & more fetishy. Would you ever consider this?Meantime, i'm glad people are picking up on the 'knowing' look in her eyes, and how you're responding with more details about how it is in the world of submissives. At least, the ones who understand the power they have in their very submissiveness. It's sad as to those (whether D/s/or 'nilla) who are under the misnomer that to be of a submissive nature is to bow to mistreatment.

-- jade-pandora

overheard.

2006-06-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

she: its weird--I started going to therapy and haven’t really felt like expressing creatively…I don’t know if it’s because I have an outlet or what. But I do eventually want to be able to output mentally and creatively. If that makes sense.

me: healthy people don't usually make as much art.

she: gah! Don’t say that. I want to be healthy and make art. I just need to build confidence, ect. . .
me: I don’t know if that's possible...most artists have a lot of pathology.

she: do you feel you aren’t 'healthy"?

me: I’m not perfect, but most of my art is borne from a desire for love...the frustration of unrequited love...so it's not like I’m "crazy" but I definitely have issue with love and the desire for it. Basically what you see in my art is the work I wish I lived in...where desire is fulfilled.

she: on purely a physical level?

me: to me the physical and the emotional are quite intermixed... I often wonder when the idea that they were separate took hold.

she: I guess there is a high level of trust in s/m.

me: when it's done right, yes. I think that's why so many women connect with my work...it's not just some "damsel in distress" thing...it's a mix of desire, emotion, sensation...and a little bit of risk/danger.

she: I guess I never see your work as an expression of your desire for that connection…it just IS an expression of that mix, that connection.

me: well I’m able to take myself out of it when the actual work happens...but in reality, you are looking at a portrait of the artist's desires/wishes.

Dangerous?

2006-04-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

Maybe I’m too close to see it objectively, but I’ve never regarded my work as being controversial in any way. Whenever the content of my images meets with a negative response, I’m just as surprised as the last time [I’m equally startled when I receive a particularly strong positive response as well]. I’m certainly not trying to be modest or anything, but my work is just my work; it’s what I do, that’s all.

But my work is controversial, maybe even dangerous according to many who see it [whether that’s a good thing or bad varies from person to person]. I’m not about to try understanding just why sexuality, even of a fetish/bondage variety is still considered shocking here in the 21st century. I mean, isn’t sexuality [in one flavor or another] something we’ve already thought through as adults or even as children? Heaven knows the mainstream media is full up with sex, sexual metaphor and even blatant sexual imagery [though none of it is terribly interesting]. For good or ill, as a society, we’re pretty much preoccupied with sex around here.

So what is it about what I do that’s “dangerous,” “controversial” or “daring”? The best idea I’ve come up with recently is that my intent is what makes my content resonate with people the way it does. The reason most pornography is so easy to dismiss [or vilify] is that it never demands any serious consideration in the first place. Most mainstream porn arrives complete with an insulating layer [camp, glamour, amateurism, nostalgia, etc.] that keeps the viewer [ie: you] from having to engage the material on any deep level. The fact that porn is delivered as an inert product, devoid of any serious meaning makes it as easy for it’s opponents to decry [who’s going to waste their time standing up for it?] as it is for the actual porn consumer to discard/disregard [after you get off, what do you need it for?]. In a way, porn is the ultimate product, one with a variety of uses, but always utterly disposable.

And then along come the artists, just in time to ruin a good thing by re-infusing sexuality with meaning, subtext, psychology, philosophy, even ideology – allowing [forcing?] more serious and intensive discussion and consideration of sex, and not in some vague, general way either. When the artists really get it right, the viewer [ie: you] considers sexuality in relation to themselves, instead of the distanced abstraction they usually locate it in. When that happens, anything becomes possible, except that the art can be dismissed or even vilified as easily anymore [though many still try]. In the hands of the best artists, sexuality becomes something that we are, not just something we look at. I’ve personally lost count of how many instances people have commented that my work either tells about a place that they’ve been or [even more telling] a place that they sincerely wish to be. This is when I realize what’s possible when sexuality is allowed to be seen “actual size” instead of in the emotional shorthand the media uses to make things easier to sell. I realize [as I assume other sexual artists do] that I’m able to “remake” sexuality into what it should be: Intense, personal, physical, emotional, scary, fascinating, fun, desperate, desired…

…maybe even Dangerous.

Switch

2006-04-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

One common misconception my work inspires is that I’m a Dom or at least a switch. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m 100% comfortable with my submissive [bottom] identity and committed to exploring what that identity means as much as possible. As you might guess, the photographs I make are a major part of that exploration, allowing me to discuss and describe the desires, situations and sensations that most intrigue me.

I certainly understand how someone could take me for a Dom/Switch persona from looking at the work. I imagine I should be more surprised at how many people immediately get where the work is coming from. My usual storytelling method is an “objective camera” variant which in a D/s context mimics the Dom’s point of view, looking at/down on someone who might be prone, bound, blindfolded or even all of the above. For someone who doesn’t know the story, the easiest induction would be that I’m showing the viewer what I want to see. In truth, the submissive role is where my persona lies in the image…The submissive speaks to the viewer for me…apparently my lack of authentic experience doesn’t hamper my ability to tell the stories I choose to, which is something I’m most happy about.

While I don’t see myself as a Dom or Switch, I admit there are points in my creative process when I have to think like one. While my subject is representing me [or at least who I’d like to be] in the image, to make that image authentic and effective, I have to put myself into the shoes of the Dom, if only in a logistical sense. It would be unreasonable to expect my model/subject to put themselves in a suitable situation without prompting by me [with a few exceptions], so it’s incumbent upon me to decided how the subject should be posed, how the ropes/chains/attire [or lack thereof] are to be applied, as well as the type of sensation/emotion I want to convey with them. I have to decide where the scene is to “happen” as well as what else in that space will be allowed to “accessorize” the scene. Essentially, this places me in the decisive role that the Dom reserves for him/herself in authentic D/s play. Though it’s more a question of necessity than anything else, I nevertheless have to create the situation whole, much like a Top creating a scene for the bottom to experience.

In all honesty, I never gave any of this a thought until a shooting I did this past summer with a new model. I was doing a basic shibari tie with this person and at a certain point I needed to take up the slack ends of the rope. “I’m gonna pull this tight now, okay?” I remember asking her. “Fine,” she replied. I pulled the ropes, probably harder than usual, which caused the karada to tighten almost completey on her torso. Here eyes fluttered for an instant and she took in a sharp breath that was followed by an obvious sigh of pleasure/submission/release. Her knees went to jelly for a moment, but she recovered herself and refocused on the shoot almost as quickly, looking at me with a smile that seemed to say “yes.” I remember thinking to myself “I could be a pretty good Dom if I wanted to be.”

But I don’t want to.

lust

2006-03-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

Standing like a cherry tree without bark or flowers,
special, burning, with veins and saliva,
and fingers and testicles,
I look at a girl of paper and moon,
horizontal, trembling and breathing and white
and her nipples like two separated ciphers,
and the rosy meeting of her legs where
her mound flutters with nocturnal eyelashes.

Pale, overflowing,
I feel words sink into my mouth,
words like drowned children,
and on we go and ships grow teeth,
and waters and breadth as if on fire.

I shall place her like a sword or a mirror,
and I shall open until death her fearful legs,
and I shall bite her ears and her veins,
and I shall make her retreat, her eyes closed
in a thick river of green semen.

I shall flood her with poppies and lightningbolts,
I shall wrap her in knees, in lips, in needles,
I shall enter her with inches of weeping epidermis
and pressures of crime and soaked hair.

I shall make her flee escaping through fingernails and sighs
toward never, toward nothing,
climbing up the slow marrow and the oxygen,
clutching memories and reasons
like a single hand, like a cleft finger
waving a fingernail of forsaken salt.

She must run sleeping along roads of skin
in a country of ashen gum and ashes,
struggling with knives, and sheets, and ants,
and with eyes that fall on her like dead men,
and with drops of black substance slippingl
ike blind fish or bullets of thick water.

--Pablo Neruda

faith

2006-03-07T15:12:00.000-08:00

"I believe there's a right time for it, but God made us erotic. He made us to enjoy our bodies and the bodies of others. otherwise, it wouldn't work. (I believe) right now is not the right time for me to enjoy it fully, but that time will come soon. meawhile, i can enjoy and appreciate other people's pleaure in each other. I'm very....experimental, you might say, and i'm ok with that, because with everything i do, i learn more about myself and the people around me. how else am i supposed to learn? God made me to learn, otherwise, why be on earth? If i stop learning and enjoying this world, i may as well be with Him, not here. I fully support kinky and erotic things, as long as they are done with care and compassion. your pictures are beautiful, because there's emotion and passion behind them. other photos on the internet are just not the same, because they have no desire to be anything more than dirty. I like the stuff that explores more than just the physical aspect of how we love each other. People love each other in many ways, and i enjoy exploring those different ways. Sex and all the things involved in it are very spiritual to me. There are a few times when i'm closest to God, and that's one of them."

--s.b.

submission

2006-03-07T10:25:00.000-08:00

….I’d rather dream about your hands on me…and the energy that would pour into me from your body…your soul.

That means a lot to me. It makes me shiver. I still think about you often…I wonder how you are, and what you do everyday. Sometimes I feel outside everyone’s world, especially people I think are…special like you.

I’m not special. I’m just me.

But you’re special to me just like you think I’m beautiful. I find you so…achingly…artistic that you’re almost…untouchable.

Well if you wanted, you’d find me quite touchable.

I’ve often wished for it. I wonder what you would feel like, how you would sound…what your body would react to. I think of a lot when I imagine you close, within reaching distance…within touch. I sometimes think I would just want to taste your flesh, from head to toe…to watch you moan and writhe. Other times I think I would like to be more aggressive…to hurt you…but not in a bad way.

I would love both of those experiences.

Is there anything you wouldn’t like?

Honestly, no. Not if you wanted me to feel it…no. If you thought I should feel it, and thought it would help me sink to the bottom of that black pool…where I want to be…I would open myself to it.

So giving…you’re so giving.

For me, giving myself up would be the ultimate pleasure.

But…to give it to me is such a gift….To give me that opportunity.

I can’t imagine anyone else I’d want to have that gift. And in return, I’d have the gift of being able to let myself go…to let myself fall…and know that I was safe.

I would do everything I could to keep you safe, to drop your body slowly into the deep, velvet place. I long to touch you…I want to make you shiver and cry out knowing that I’m the reason for it. I wish that could be tonight…If I could, I would steal you away to my bed, to writhe and wrest between my sheets.

I know…that’s why I want to be yours…

sexuality

2006-03-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

My first girlfriend was only half-right: My photography was preocupied with sex and sensuality, but it had nothing to do with wanting other women. More accurately, I was obsessed with exploring my own feelings and desires [only recently recognized] and giving proper voice to them. Don’t misunderstand: I’d long been aware that I was a sexual being, even including my submissive nature [though I didn’t know it was called that] since early childhood. My grandmother on my mother’s side used to give me copies of Jet magazine, assuming I would gain some insight on the black experience or some such, but all I ever really got out of them was the “page 3” bathing beauty they stuck in the middle of every issue. My mother and older sister didn’t seen to think there was anything wrong with my taping said pictures to the wall of my bedroom, so there you go…My entry into the world of sexual art was sanctioned and supervised by both my parents and my grandparents.

Anyway, back to my girlfriend. She was an intensely sensual person, in almost every regard: Food, clothes, music, sex…Everything was about sensation and experience with her. As I was caught up In my own sexual/sensual discovery, we were a perfect match in that regard. Unfortunately, in addition to being intensely sensual, my girlfriend was also painfully insecure [despite her beauty] and pathologically jealous. Needless to say, this made of a difficult, if passionate relationship – we fought as intensly as we pleasured.

I wish I could have been smart enough or smooth enough to convince her that her fears were groundless. It’s true that I photographed other women at school with the zeal of the newly converted, the images I was making had little or nothing to do with the sexuality of the model – it was all about my own sexualness, and the intense joy and fascination delving into that aspect of myself gave me…which reflected directly upon my girlfriend, even though she didn’t believe or understand that…A pity – think of where we might be today, now that I “know what I’m doing,” so to speak.

Crystal, the woman on top in this image, understood me perfectly – and became my willing muse for a couple of years. She was quiet, spooky, bisexual, wiccan and kinky. And yes, I fell in love with her, though I never tried to pursue a relationship with her – I didn’t want to mess up the art we were making. How’s that for obsession! I didn’t realize it at the time, but the two of us were creating and sharing our own little sensual language, one I don’t think I’ve spoken with anyone else. Over the couple of years we knew each other, we created something totally original, totally ours. I was searching for pieces to use in books five and six of my coVet series when I started sifting through the many photos I took of her. More than anything, I was struck by how intense they still feel to me, as if I’d just taken them last week. I love the trust that she had in me, and how innately the understood where my work was going as well as who I was. I still use a little saying she had about my work: “Your lover can just look at your photos and see exactly what you'd like them to do.” The image you’re looking at is definitely in that category. I wonder if she ever looks at this image and sees me in her arms rather than my next door neighbor at the timee…Pretty obvious, isn’t it? Until I shot with Crystal, I didn’t realize how personal and intimate my work actually was. Maybe it wasn’t that way…Until she came along.

It's been years since I saw her last…But there she is, right beside me…Still teaching me to do what I love and to love what I do. I hope she’s proud of how much she did for me.

Why?

2006-03-01T15:01:00.000-08:00

I'm not 100% certain of why I started [yet another] photoblog...Heaven knows I've started enough galleries, blogs, sites, what have you -- only to abandon them for one reason or another. I think this is the first time I've started something with an actual idea behind it...Which makes it exciting, if only in my mind.If you're reading this, you know well enough that I post lots of images online, pretty much anywhere that will accept a code I can understand. What I've never been good at is properly explaining the images that I post...At least I don't think that I've done a good job of it...I've mostly gone on the "picture's worth 1,000 words" concept, and let the images stand or fall based solely on what can be seen. I think though, that I'm at the point where that won't do anymore. I do feel strongly about my art -- yes, I think it's art and I consider myself an artist. I actually love what i do -- i love the idea that i can connect and convey the most intimate ideas and emotions to so many different people, most of whom I'll never actually meet. I'm not sure what to call it: Telepathy? Empathy? Synchronicity? All of the above? None?

Anyway, this is the deal: In this journal, I plan to post a single image at semi-regular intervals, and then discuss what I think/feel about the image. I'll try to tell you where in my experience/desires/emotions the image came from and what I would hope it would say to you, the viewer. I actually do think my work is capable of saying quite a lot of things to different people, but I've never really addressed what those things might be. This is the place where I'll do that. I hope to learn as much about what I do as you will, or at least get deeper into what I do in hope of making even better images in the future.I may use things others have said about images as jumping off points for what I write here as well. I'm lucky that I get a lot of really positive feedback to my work from a lot of places, so I'll try to share that stuff here in the most constructive way possible. I think it's good that I'm "over" the sheer thrill of putting up images just because I can. From now on, I want to show you images because I should.I may try to discuss how other photographers [both famous and not] have impacted me as well...Maybe even some writers and musicians as well. My art seems to come from a lot of different places, and I think all of them are germain in one way or another...The interesting part is going to be figuring out how the pieces fit together. I suppose it's all quite self-indulgent, but isn't that what 'blogs are for?I hope you get as much out of it as I think I will...And I would love to hear your thoughts on the matters I'll be ruminating on in here.So. As Lisa said to Wendy...Let's begin.*

*see side one of Prince's Purple Rain